Seeking... Advice?

[Maya]

Hey everyone! The majority of you know me well enough... But I suppose I'll give an over-view of myself... I'm Amaya or better known as Maya on here. And well, I'm in a bit of a predicament. I had gone out with the boys, and we were all hanging out. We had driven up to Massachusetts for some reason that I can barely remember, and we had all been chatting. It was like usual, but then I noticed Nut (most of you know him and like him, others not so much) began to act strangely. I mean, he was quiet as hell. The man can't shut the hell up to save his own life, and so I was rather.... You know... Surprised but suspicious. The guys had piled out of the car at a gas station to get food (boys... they never stop eating) and to fill up the car. That left me alone with Nut, so I began to interrogate him, but he looked at me seriously. He wouldn't even laugh at my corny jokes like he usually does. I was concerned, but he then asked me something. He was asking me out. I've known Nut ever since I was nine (I'm seventeen now), so we have almost nine years of friendship between us. Yeah, I've flirted with him, and I've known he's liked me for a while, but I'm hesitant... I haven't had the best of luck with relationships, and spent the majority of my life single. I'm incredibly independent, and I guess you could say, I'm a little fearful to give up the freedom I've got. Yes, I know, the ever-so cliché line that there's a guy out there for me and whatnot, but as Nut sat there pouring his heart out to me as to how he's liked me for so long, and that I've pulled him through all his slumps, and that I was the only one there for him was he was addicted to drugs, I began to cry. Not only was it because of he was bringing up the past and the pain that the past usually brings with it, but I was overwhelmed. I had been there for Nut and had been his shadow for years, and I know how he is and I've seen how he's changed. He began to tell me over and over again that he'd wait a lifetime for me, and that every time I went out with some guy, and he broke my heart or cheated on me, he wanted nothing more than to take away my pain.

I told him flat-out that I'd have to think about it because it truly caught me off guard, and well I had been dealing with unnecessary family drama for the past couple of months that a relationship was the very last thing on my mind. Nut knows how I work and he knows all my quirks, but I've never really delved into the idea of looking at him as though he were my boyfriend. So as I lay in bed fully awake, that gave me a red flag. It never even occurred to me that I would have a chance with him, but there's another thing to this. Nut has roughly three to five children. I've lost count to be honest with you, and they're all with different women in which I absolutely abhor, and want nothing to do with. I've been around his kids, and they've taken to me like fish to water. At one point, his son, Anthony had called me "Mommy." And let's just say that his actual mother was around, and was very displeased, and began to cuss me out. Yeah... That didn't end too well. So I'm stuck, and I'm definitely not the type to go seeking advice from people online... No offence, but I've sought the counsel of my family, most of them approve and think that Nut and I would be the most adorable couple ever. My mom was extremely excited because she adores Nut and thinks he'll be the guy to actually treat me right for a change. A few others of my family members don't think he'd be the best choice. Some say it was because of his age (he's only 22), and told me they would be happier if I dated a guy who was 21. Some are apprehensive because of his substance abuse, but he's definitely cleaned up his act, and walks away from any potential situations when drugs could be involved. My mom had also said that Nut was the guy version of me and older, and that we'd compliment each other well, but that still doesn't make me feel secure. I didn't have any sleep last night because of all this, and a small part was because that I didn't have Nut there to talk. I talk to him every night before I go to sleep, and when he's around, we cuddle, and when I do fall asleep, he moves to the floor. I'm comfortable around him, but still unsure. I don't want a repeat of my past relationships where most of my exes' have gone to extents of threatening me, locking me in bathrooms, cheating on me and so forth. (I just know how to pick them, don't I?) But since then I've found men that deviated from my preferences, and have matured in that sense, and so to close this off, and get to what I'm really trying to say is... Well, help please? Lol. I'd appreciate it even though I'm stubborn, and don't really like taking advice from others... I like to figure things out myself, but I really don't want to keep Nut waiting even longer, so thanks ahead of time, and sorry for any time wasted. And please, be brutally honest and say what's on your mind. Don't hold back and feel like you're going to hurt my feelings. Trust me when I say I don't break easily, and can take whatever you throw at me within stride. =: D I won't hate you, I promise.

~Maya

[.x.chaos.is.R E B E L L I O N|]

Oh, hell, Mays! Like I'd lie to you! XD But here's what I haveta say: If you truly do not think about him that way, then don't do it; if you do, then I have all the confidence in the world that it will work. Because when people who love each other, whether it be a sibling-love or that of two lovers, they will make it work be it comprising or else. I'm in 1oth grade now, but back 7 years ago, when i was in the 3rd grade. This cute little boy moved into our school system. here i am, quietly doing my work, when he suddenly hands me a picture of a flower he drew for me. it said, "i love you." he had just moved to our little town and had instantly had a liking for me, whether it wanted him to or not. and yanno, being around so young, we're all naive, trying to be like the "big kids" with a girlfriend or a boyfriend. i was secretly thrilled that dillon liked me enough to say he loved me that first day in 3rd grade. but hell, not like I'D ever tell him that.

he asked me to be his girlfriend, over and over again. and finally, i just looked at him and said for one day. the next day, we "broke up". his little heart was shattered. and the first day he came to school, i came home to find that he was my NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR!!! much to my displeasure...at first. yanno what, mays? through the years we've come to love each other and understand each other's quirks, flaws, and everything negative about the other. dillon still asks me out every year though he's no longer the cute little boy, he's more like a young man with a slight case of acne on his face. but he's still dillon, the guy who said he's loved me since that day in third grade. i talk to him about everything, and i DO mean everything. and we're always blunt with each other; for example, one of our most recent conversations (as in just a few minutes ago) was: me-dillon... dillon-whaaat? me- I HAVE BACK PAINS. my period's coming. dillon-well, fuck. lemme run to the store and getchoo some midol. i'll see you when you're NOT bitchin', mkay mik? see you in a few. me-yanno....i resent that. dillon-listen miki, we CANNOT be best friends without insulting one another...besides, you do! *quickly hangs up*

my point was, mays, is that we're BEST FRIENDS, like brother-sister type friends. i've never personally loved them as a boyfriend, never, even though he's been my boyfriend on more than three occasions. but dillon's always loved me THAT way. and he never fails to tell me that, and that means pouring out his heart and soul to me. and i do care...just not that way for him. and he's gotten over that because i told him from the start that i wouldn't think of him that way anytime soon. and plus, i can't give him a part of me when it's not his to take. i don't want it to be a one-sided relationship. i know it would be a disaster because i wouldn't be loving towards him...it'd be sooo half-hearted. maybe not even that.

so, do what YOU feel like doing and don't be afraid to tell him what you feel and how you feel. if nut can't take it...then he wasn't a dependable boyfriend in the first place. you might say no and later change your mind and if he feels so deeply for you, then he'll take you without hesitation. but either way, he should be able to accept how you feel, even if it goes against what he wants.