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Post by .x.chaos.is.R E B E L L I O N| on Jul 12, 2009 23:10:11 GMT -5
i made this thread, purely out of boredom...i thought you might enjoy.
this story is about the dream i had about my softball coach. he's pure evil. he's demonic. and he looks like a hamburger with toothpicks for legs.
THE DREAM!
i was in my room, in the dark. everything was silent and i thought i was gonna go to sleep quickly. but there was a sudden snarling noise, comin' from me closet! and like the idiot i am, i get up and open the closet doors. and when i do, i start screaming because in my closet is my softball coach with glowing red eyes and saber-teeth! i yelled for meh doggie, Patrick, but instead of waiting, i ran to my door to open it and step through and i found i was in a dark room with the typical mobster-boss scene. nothing in the dark room but this huge desk, and a high-backed chair, back facing me, and the fireplace on the far wall behind the chair.
once again, i was curious and i go. "hello? anyone home?" and then the chair swivels around and there he is again! he scares me!!!! and screamed and try to go back out the door, but i found that it wasn't there! i was flippin' scared! then, i heard his evil, evil, EVIL laughter. "don't try to run miki. it's too late now." i started to cry as i felt his evul powers pull me towards the desk. and then, as i stand there in front of him, he suddenly holds up a finger and "barbie girl" starts playing. he takes out this gigantic phone the size of meh brother's size 15 foot and starts talking to his momma! meanwhile, i'm shakin' in meh yella shirt.
he goes, "hey, mommy! .....yeah....make sure you cut it into spongebob! aw! thanks mommy....yeah, i love you too....no, you stop it! NO, YOU STOP IT! oh, alright i'll stop it." then, he giggled like a little schoolgirl. and closed his phone. awkward silence. i cleared my throat. and then, he scratches his head and goes, "that was....um...muh mommy." then, i burst out into laughter and he roars in a booming voice, "HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT ME!!!" i started crying again. then, he had a clueless gaze for a moment, "now...where were we-oh, yeah, that's right." then, he did the crazy-MWAHAHAHAHA-ebul-genius laughter. i was crying a lot now. and then, he abruptly cut off and goes, "oh, shut up!" in a friggin aussie accent!
then, he pulls out a thick book about 3 feet high. it says on the cover, MI EVUL MINYUNS. i started laughing when i saw it because he cain't spell. and then, he stood up to open the book. it opened in the very middle and he took a finger and went down the page and then looked at me and roared with maniac laughter, "WELCOME TO HELL!" then, he started doing the MEEHEEHEEWAHHAHAHA, but then stopped and looked at me and said in a matter of fact voice, "oh, you can cry now." then he continued his evile laughter. he had become huge, like a 12 foot giant huge and he suddenly was wearing the typical red devil suit with a giant red pitchfork. i was on my knees sobbing when the ground started to crack and break apart, fire coming through the widening cracks.
i looked up at the ceiling and i called to God, "GOD, HELP ME!!!! PLEASE!!!" and then, all of a sudden, there was a bright light, and i was in the spotlight, and the choir of angels was singing. and i was yelling, "YES! YES! YES!!!" but then, coach had to go and ruin it. he looks at it and then growls. he stabbed at the white light with a pitchfork, "dang spotlight." and then, the spotlight died and the angel choir did that wacky-music-died sound and i was left with coach again. BUT COACH IS SCARY!!! so i turned around and looked for a door and to my joy, there it was! a door leading somewhere! i jumped up and dodged the flaring cracks to reach the door.
i opened it up and went through to find myself in a forest clearing, under the starry sky. the first thought was to laugh it all off. so i doubled over and laughed my butt off until i felt a light tap on my shoulder. still laughing, i turned around and started screaming. HE WAS THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!!!! he had his body, but the black gown was too tight and his skin was green and HE HAD A HUMONGOUS FRIGGIN MOLE ON HIS NOSE!!! so, i quit screaming and took muh fanger and pointed at the mole and did a total austin-powers. "MOLEH, MOLEH, MOLEH, MOOOOLLLLLEEEEHHH!!!" coach gets mad though and his eyes go black like a shark's! i scream and jump away. and he.....hops after me.
and then, he is almost at me and then there's a bucket of water, just sitting right there. i'm like "safety!" and i do the wizard of oz and dump the water on him! and he stops and looks at me with narrowed eyes like, "are you stupid?!" then bunny hops after me again. but then, like an idiot, i trip over absolutely nothing and roll on my back and scream as he's about to kill me by jumping on me. i was sure it was the end, but then, i feel something...squishy and wet in my hand. i looked at it and it was a pickle. i looked back at my coach, just two feet from me, and threw it at his eye. it poked him and he howled, "i'm hurting, i'm hurting, I'M HURTING!" (in the same way the witch said, "i'm melting".) then...he exploded into tiny pieces of dust. the end.
RANDOM MOMENTS OF MY LIFE. booyah.
honors biology teacher: animals of the echinodermata class can reproduce one of two ways -sexual or asexual. please tell me you guys know what the difference is! me: *jumps up and down in seat* oh, i know mizz llew! I KNOW! mizz llew: *sighs* what is it, miki? me: ONE'S FUN AND ONE'S NOT!!! *waggles eyebrows and purrs*
loudspeaker: *secretary's voice* because of the current and future weather conditions, there will be no football practice. b-ball coach (aka- meestah sexxay legs rawr): *looks at me and sighs, apologetic voice* sorry, mik, that means no football practice for you today. my class (class of only girls-26 of em my sexxy ladehs!): aaawww! me: *bows over, elbows out, flexxing muscles* HOOHAH! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! mrrow.
meh girl jannea: dang! this pole is heavy! *holds flagpole is difficult position* me: *holding pole is same position* well, maybe you need to work out mo often! jannea: *scoffs* whatchoo talkin' 'bout! i be liftun up people ev'ryday. i be a chee-yahleedah! (ghetto for cheerleader) me: *snorts* yeah, lil' debbie to yo mouth.
(in history class) katrina: *whispers* ppppsst! hey, miki, you wanna rice-crispy treat?! me: *wide-eyes, cheshire cat grin* uh! yeah!!!!! katrina: *giggles and hands it to me* me: *drools in hunger while eating it* katrina: COACH EDWARDS!!!! MIKI HAS A RICE-CRISPY TREAT!!!
me: *cusses like sailor* BLEEPIN' BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPETY BLEEPIN BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!! justin: *gasps* POTTEHMOUTH!!!
(at church camp, in guys cabin) guys: *chanting* MIKI! MIKI! MIKI! MIKI! me: *beats michael at push-ups; does 100* michael: *gets up and puts leia on my neck* you are now officially dubbed manbeast.
me: *sings in awful falsetto* I BELIEVE I CAN FLY! I GOT SHOT BY DA FBI!!! ALL I WANTED CHIKKEN WEENGS! FROM MCDONALD'S OR BURGER KEENG! I BELIEVE I CAN SOAR! RIGHT THROUGH MCDONALD'S OPEN DOOR! I BELIEVE I CAN FLY (i believe i can fly) AND I WON'T GET SHOT BY THE FBI!!! momma: GEEZ MICAELA! SHUUUUUT UP! me: *shrugs, innocent look* what?! gotta use muh singin' skillz! momma: *shakes head as walks to room* me: mark meh words, momma! mark 'em an' put 'em in a lil' book where you cin see 'em!!! *shakes fist, then continues singing*
(i swear, i play around, i'm not actually that way) me: *with horrible hangover* kelsey...imma die kelsey: why? what? me: i gotta fawkin' hangover cuzza joo! *looks hurt* kelsey: oh, gosh, i'm sorry mik! me: *silence, then soft voice* kels? kelsey: what is it? me: i don't wanna die a virgin...will you make babehs wid me? *puppy eyes*
daddy: *asks curiously as he reads my shirt* what's a thong? me: *laughs so hard pees on self*
(at chuck e cheese's) china: *takes out newly made cec's id card out of machine* oh, look miki! here's your green card! *hands me green colored card* me: w-whatcha juss say?! *blushes and speechless* china: *screams* I DIDN'T MEAN IT DAT WAY!!! *runs for dear life* me: *chases after her through maze of games with a spoon*
(at random restaurant of which i can't think of the name* me: *stands beside kelsey outside of peepee-room, holding crotch and squeezing legs together, face turnin' purple* I....GOTTA....GO...PEEPEE!!! kelsey: *blond: and she's thinking* um....go into the men's bathroom! yeah! *nods encouragingly* i'm positive no one's in there. me: *deathgrip on crotch now, legs squeezing together as hard as they can* are you sure?! kelsey: *nods with absolute conviction* me: *like an idiot, walks into multi-stalled men's bathroom, turns the corner and screams and rushes out, closing down and leaning against it, breathing heavily eyes wide* THERE'S MEN IN THERE!!!!!!!!
(in chinatown, ny) chinese vendor: *holds up ooglay lookin' fisheh* FI' DOLLAH! FI' DOLLAH!!! me: *speaks in calm, articulated voice* no...it's five dollers. chinese vender: *waggles fisheh at me* fi' dollah?! me: *same voice* look, you said it wrong. again. let me help you. it's two dollers. chinese vender: *looks at me with clueless face* two dollah? me: *same voice* no. there you go again. it's one dollER do you hear my emphasis? chinese vender: *says carefully, heavy accent* one....doll-er? me: *shaking head, laughing softly* no! once again, you said it wrong! it's zero dollers. chinese vendor: *speechless, with wide eyes and gaping mouth, then he suddenly starts creaming in chinese and throws fish down and storms away* me: *foldes arms* my work here is done. *yawns and walks away*
(these have all been within the last four days) tom: *walks outside to stand in front of biker* biker: *tries to be nice* hey! how's it goin'? tom: *purrs and rubs nipples* boii, you make muh neepples haaaahhhd....grrrrr....i'll ride yer haaandlebars!!! me: *dies from laughter, face is beet red* stop it, tom!!! STOP IT, TOM!!!! biker: *is still trying to be nice* um....can i help you? tom: *flickers out tongue* ay, babeh, *chinese accent* ten dollah get you far. ten dollah, sucky sucky!! i love you long time!!! me: *can't breathe at all now from laughter* biker: *turning a purple* tom: *purrs* you no see what i got. i show you what i got. *takes out his phone and plays cheezy stripper music* ten dollah, ten dollah!!! *teasingly takes off shirt in middle of road* me: *runs back in house heading for peepeeroom*
uh...i was gonna write more but i am dealing with the evul kittehs. give me a few hours.
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Post by Maya on Jul 14, 2009 19:59:46 GMT -5
ROFLMFAO!!! Those are hilarious!!!
I have a little flashback to English class. (It was funnier in class, mind you.)
Mrs. Freedman: Who plays hide and go seek in a church? You hide behind a pew and go who is it? Me: JESUS! Duh! Who else?
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Post by .x.chaos.is.R E B E L L I O N| on Jul 16, 2009 2:05:45 GMT -5
lmao!!! that's effing hilarious!!! i'd add what all tom said on the way coming and going but i think jenn would have muh head!!!
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Post by Maya on Jul 19, 2009 20:30:08 GMT -5
I have one that happened yesterday at the reception. We were taking pictures, and all of us were in dark colors and it was HOTTT. Well, anyways.. It's long but funny.. At the time it was. Haha.
MaryAnne (cousin): C'mon! Hurry up! I didn't take a shower today! Matt (cousin): I didn't shower.. Me: Oh, lucky me.. And I'm standing right next to you. Matt: *smirks* I'm also wearing dirty boxers. Me: UGH EW!! *tries to wriggle away* Matt: Don't fight it! *holds tightly* Me: Anyone wanna trade places? MaryAnne: Naw.. I'm good, baby cuz! Me: Ugh.. Fuck my life. Matt: Hm... We do act like a married couple... *waggles eyebrows* Me: ..And it doesn't help that I was wearing your clothes, does it? MaryAnne: MAYA! Amaya Sabrina! Ohh my goddd!! You... Wore... HIS CLOTHES?! What next? You sleepin' in his bed?? Me: ....Uhhh..... Matt: SHE ALREADY DID! Me: *slaps hand over his mouth* Shut up! MaryAnne: OH MY GODDD!!! INCEST!!! Matt: *licks hand* Hey! We're only half cousins! Me: *wipes hand on his face* Sicko. MaryAnne: I can't believe this.. My baby cousin goin' out with her half cousin. Jeez! But you two are cute together! Me: Fuck my lifeeeee!!! Matt: *laughs* I love my family! Me: Count your blessings, kid. Matt: Whyyyy? Me: 'Cuz if I didn't love you so much, I'd tackle you to the ground and beat you up. Matt: *gasps* You'd do that... To your own husband? Me: No! Of course not! MaryAnne: Aww! Hug and make up! Me: *tackles Matt in hug* Matt: Yay! We saved our marriage!! MaryAnne: Yeah, you did! Now, no bangin' in the bedroom, okay? Matt: Fuck my life... Me: HAHAH!!
And no, I'm not married to my cousin... My uncle always said we bickered like a married couple. It was a walk down memory lane. And MaryAnne had just met him recently, so her expression was hilarious! Just thought I'd share this. Oh, and I did wear his clothes just 'cuz it was a last minute plan, and didn't bring any clothes. And I slept in his bed, but he slept on the floor. Haha.
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Post by leesh on Jul 20, 2009 18:57:19 GMT -5
holy crap! I have some very funneh moments, Some with Zeppy and some without him but mostly with Zeppy and my sister ^^ Here goes!
( At the barn with my sister ) Ashlyn: -sighs- Hurry your ass up Angel. Zeppy isn't that hard to move when he sees grass Me: Wanna bet? -waggles eyebrows- Ashlyn: Sure. Gimme the lead rope and watch how it's done Me: -hands lead rope and watches- You are so going to get it -grins- Ashlyn: -pulls on the lead rope and then gets kicked in the shin; cusses at Zeppy like a sailor- Me: -wide eyes- HOLY SHIT ASHIE! NO NEED TO SWEAR AT MAH BABY BOII! My gosh! You're going to brainwash him with all of your cussing! -grabs Zeppy's lead rope and runs away with him- Oh and that's how you get Zeppelin to move!
( At my house ) Me: Shamu! I want pizza! -drools- Shamu (dad): Too bad Angelique. You'll get fat Me: -whines- But maybe I want to get fat! Shamu: Fine -dials phone and orders pizza- Me: -smiles- Now I want Chinese food! Shamu: -facepalm- You are nuts Angelique Me: -smiles and nodds- I know. I'm proud of it too ^^
( Tacking up Zeppy with my sister ) Me: Hey Ashie, How is Colby? Ashlyn: Good. He's filthy but fine. How is Zeppelin? Me: Good. He is finally clean! His white coat is shinning like a diamond or something shiny and clean -smirks- Ashlyn: -Colby spokes and Ashlyn smacks him with the lead rope- Damn it Colby! Stop being such a spastic horse. My gosh Me: -bridles Zeppy then leads him into the arena- Get your ass in drive and get over here Ashie! Ashlyn: -waves hand before leading Colby into the Arena- Yeah yeah yeah. Shut your mouth Angel Me: -mounts Zeppy- Alright then. Get on your horse Ashlyn: Fine -Tries to mount and finally does but then is thrown off Colby into the jump that was set up- COLBY! Me: -laughs my head off- Nice job Colby
( After riding Zeppy ) Jess (my instructor): -Comes skipping into the barn wearing a pink bathing suit cover-up- Hey guys! Me: -laughs so hard she pees herself- Kim (my other instructor): -laughs at Jess- What are you wearing miss 'I'll beat his ass with my whip'? Jess: -laughs- It's a cute dress huh? Me: -nods- Uh huh Kim: Why are you wearing that anyway? Jess: -lifts up dress- Me: -laughs at Kim- Kim: -horrified face- Jess: -confused face- What? It's just my bathing suit Me: -Laughs again- Kim: -laughs- I thought there was something else under there. You scared me to death miss Jess! Jess: Oh well Kim -chuckles- Me: Oh Kim, You didn't see the halter strap for the bathing suit? Kim: -shrugs- Nope. Oh well
( At my house with my friend Ariana ) Ariana: What the hell is that!?! Me: -looks around- Wha? Ariana: -points to my shirt- That! Me: -facepalm- Damn it! Zeppelin drooled on me when I took his bridle off Ariana: -chuckles- Good ol' Zeppelin
( Working at the stable ) Kate: Uhh Angelique Me: Yeah Kate? Kate: You kinda bleached your shirt Me: -looks down- Oh great! Katie: -looks at bleach stain- It looks like one of the horses bled on you Kate: -nods- Yeah! Me: -facepalm- Great! It won't come out either Katie & Kate: Nice! -both laugh-
( Riding Zeppelin ) Jess: Are your stirrups even? Me: -looks down- Yeah Jess: -puts her leg up in the air like she was sitting in one half of a chair- Oh yeah? Fix 'em Me: -laughs- Okay
( At Mcdonalds ) Mcdonalds Person: What can I get you? Gags (My friend Matt who we call Gags): Your mom Mcdonalds Person: What the hell! Me: Nice going Gags! Gags: Oh shut up Angel Me: Nope. Make me -sticks out tongue- Gags: -snickers- Don't make me get the whip! Me: -smirks- Same here! I have a long whip that you don't want to mess with Gags: You're supposed to beat me up . . . Not make me want you Me: -Eyes widen- What the hell is wrong with your mind? YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN ASHIE! Gags: You know you love me Angel Me: I wish I didn't even know you right now Gags Gags: pshhhh
( In science class ) Mrs. Mack: So gravity makes the ball come back down when you throw it up in the air. That is how gravity works. I want all of you to pick a partner and try it out Gags: -leans over and whispers to me- You wanna try 'it'? Me: -eyes widen; Smacks Gags' shoulder- What the hell is wrong with you?! I'm going to be doing the gravity project with Ariana since she doesn't think like you. Bye bye babydoll Gags: Fine Me: Fine! Gags: FINE! Me: -screams at the top of my lungs- FINE!!!! -The whole class looks at me- Uhhh heheh Ariana: Nice one Angel Me: -looks at Ariana; sounds like a gay guy- Thanks babe -winks- Ariana & Gags: -Both crack up- Nice one Angel Me: -smirks- Thanks
( At lunch ) Cory: So what's up with you and Gags? Are you two a 'thing' now? Me: Hell no! I'm dating Austin anyway Austin: -puts his arm around me- Yeah Cory, Angel is all mine Gags: -rolls eyes- Sureee Ariana: -puts her arm around Gags' shoulder- Don't worry babe, You've still got me Gags: -puts his arm around Ariana's waist and pulls her close- Yeah. I'm lucky Ariana: -purrs- Me: -laughs- I have messed up friends Cory: -smirks- Yeah but you love us Angel, You can't deny it any longer! Me: -giggles- Yeah I can! -gets out of her seat and runs away from Cory- Cory: -chuckles and runs after me- You get back here and give me a hug! Austin: -watches entertained- Run Angel run! Ariana: -chases me and Cory- Both of you get your asses over here and give me a hug! Cory & Me: -look over our shoulders at Ariana- Never! -runs faster-
( In history class ) Teacher: Okay so the Athenians and the Spartans went to war over what? Gags: -raises his hand- Teacher: Yes Matthew? Gags: First of all, It's Gags. The answer is that they went to war over love, sex, and magic -purrs at Ariana- Everyone: -Cracks up- Teacher: Okay Gags, You are right about the love part but not about the sex and the magic parts. Try again
( In Zeppelin's Paddock ) Me: Zeppelin! Get your furry ass over here! Zeppelin: -Looks at me and snorts then goes back to eating- Me: Zeppelin! Okay that's it! -takes the lead rope and whips Zeppelin's rump- Zeppelin: -stops eating and trots over to me and puts his head into the halter- Me: -clips the halter together and pats Zeppelin's white neck- Good boy Zeppy!
Those are only a few of them. I'll add more though so they will keep coming!
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Post by .x.chaos.is.R E B E L L I O N| on Jul 21, 2009 17:17:48 GMT -5
(riding through indiana) me: *wakes up groggily* where we at? *rubs eyes* jenn: *starts laughing* what the hell? tom: *looks at window also* me: *follows their gaze to see 600 lb man with mullet* tom: *yells excitedly* OH MY FUCKING GOSH!!! IT'S SHAMU'S BABY!! WITH A MULLET!!!
(some months ago, on a date) me: *whispers to taylor* what's that smell? *makes awfullest faces of disgust* kelsey: *stage whispers* I DON'T KNOW!!! it's coming from somewhere near though. me: *eyes wander over to johnny and cory* EEWWW!! SHUT YER LEGS!!!
(in indiana) me: *looks at all the gnats* i wonder... *is handed a racket* MWAHAHAHAHA!!! *swats erratically at the gnats* jenn: *looks at me with wide eyes* girl, what are you doing? me: *"deer in the headlights look" stops swinging abruptly* um...*nervous giggle* practicing my excersizing?
(at random gas station in massachusetts) me: *drools over guy in front of line* oh my...he can be duh faja of muh babehs anyday... guy: *turns around to see me drooling* uh...can i help you? me: *snaps out of reverie and turns bright red* what?! ain't never seen anyone drool over a red bull?! guy: *burst out laughing* uh, yeah, no. me: *walks up to get red bull out of fridge* red bull gives 'ou vings!!! *waggles eyebrows*
(last summer while in texas) me: *at kema boardwalk, scouting out hotties* DAAAA-YUUUM!! hottie: *looks over at me* me: *is too distracted to watch where i'm going and walks into pole* hottie: *laughs at me* me: *jumps back up, looking chipper* I'M OOOKAY! *runs away crying*
(okay, you're seeing this from the nurse's point of view) mom: *standing in front of the nurse* okay, so how is she? nurse: *keeping an out on me, who is behind my mom in wheel chair* she's fine! just fine! she just has a severe sprain- me: *can be seen through window doing wheelies* WEEEEEEEEE!!! *zooms across window* nurse: *shakes head* like i was saying she- me: *does wheelie to other side of window* WEEEEEEE!!! mom: *turns around* MICAELA MARIE BLEEP!!! (for personal safety) me: *wicked grin and takes off down hallway* YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE, COPPERS!!! *wheels as fast as she can, cackling whole way*
(don't think bad of me....i was very, very curious) me: *looks around gas station bathroom and sees condom machine* well, lookie here.... 75 cents!! woohoo! *digs around in pocket for three quarters and puts them in machine* cool!!! *pulls it out and reads on machine* vibrant colors....long-lasting for your greatest pleasure. *looks at little purple packet in hand and says loudly* oh, this is cool! *opens it up and screams excitedly* OH MY GOSH!!! IT'S BLUE!!! *stretches it out, still talking loudly* oh, this is fun! *puts fist in it* geez!!! holy moly!! this thing's huge! *tries to pull out fist, but it's stuck* CRAP!!! IT WON'T FRICKEN COME OUT!!! *swings fist, trying to loosen it up, but it won't and groans loudly* this sucks! i wait all this time to get it and now it won't even come out!! *against better thoughts starts to use teeth to tear it, absent-mindedly making noises* THIS CRAP TASTES NASTAY!!! *finally gets it off and yells in victory* YES! YES! YES IT'S OUT!!! *runs out of bathroom to see everybody in store looking at the bathroom and me; i blush the worst blush in the world* sorry i was so loud....*runs through door*
i haven't finished this yet!!!
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Post by Maya on Jul 22, 2009 18:21:30 GMT -5
Hehe! One of many of my fun times in Vicotria's Secret! (I went with my cousin Matt aka Mattikins!) We kinda act like we're a married couple, but anywayyy!
Me: *sees Victoria's Secret* OH MY GODDD!!! I have too! *drags cousin* Matt: NOO!! NOO!! I WILL NOT GO!! Me: *scoffs* You love it here.. God! You are a guy right? Matt: Durr!! I have the big package to prove it. Me: Uhh.. Let's not share and tell! *walks in VS holding Matt's arm* Victoria's Secret Employee: Well, look at this cute couple! We have a sale goin' on here. *winks at us* Matt: Oh we're not-- Me: *cuts Matt off* Aww, thank you. And you've got my interest.. What kinda sale?? *winks back* VS Employee: Well, our lingere is on sale. 25% off! Me: Oh boy! *drags Matt over to lingere section* Matt: Ugh! This is screwed uppp! Me: *winks at him; nudges him playfully* You don't love your wifey no more? Matt: *glares* You're pushin' it! Me: *grabs lingere; puts hanger over Matt's neck* OWWW!!! LOOK AT THIS HOTTIE!! VS Employees: *look over; laughing* VS Employee (Guy): *wolf whistles jokingly* Matt: *goes bright red in face; mutters* I... Hate... You... Me: *grins brightly* You're all mine, sweetheart! *growls; taking off lingere; grabs another; holds it up to me* What do you think, babe? Matt: *nervously looks at lingere* Oh.. It's uhm.. Somethin' nice..? *looks at group of gathering employees* Me: *turns to guy in VS* What do you think? VS Employee Guy: *whistles* Well, I'll be damned. This guy is hella lucky! Me: *looks at Matt* You want me to try it on? Matt: Uhh... I'm okay.. VS Employee Guy: *slaps Matt on shoulder* C'mon, man.. I know you wanna have her all to yourself in that bedroom. *winks; pelvic thrusts* Matt: *moves away from guy to me* Go try it on... *glares* Me: *giggles; bounces into changing room* Matt: *whispers* I hate you sooo much right now Maya. Me: *whispers back* I love you too, hun! *walks out* VS Employee Guy: WHOA! Someone call 911! I'm boutta have a heartattack! Me: *winks at guy* We have an... *looks around carefully* OPEN relationship. *winks* Matt: *shakes head sternly* No... We don't... Me: *ignores Matt* Yes, we do. You're welcome anytime. *winks again* VS Employee Guy: Oh damn! It just got hella hot in here!! Me: *changes into other outfit; comes back out* Matt: Shoot... Me... Me: Okay, hun! Your turn! Try on this! *shoves random thong at him* Matt: Wha-? Me: *blocks door* Matt: *screams; voice cracks* EW! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?! Me: *innocently* No.. I don't... Matt: IT'S A GOD DAMN THONG! ...FOR GIRLS! Me: *dies from laughter* Matt: *walks out; tosses thong back into basket* I hate you so much right now. Me: *follows him outta the store*; waggles eyebrows* Are you goin' through puberty? Matt: *Shut upp! I'ma grown man! I'm 22! Me: *pinches cheeks* And you're oh-so adorable for a 22 year old man! *smirks; pretends to kiss him and runs away* Matt: *runs after me screaming* I HATE YOU!! I USED TO LOVE VICTORIA'S SECRET! GET BACK HERE SO WE CAN FINISH WHAT WE STARTED!! Random Guy: *blocks Matt's path* I bet you're all hot and sticky right now. Matt: GET OUTTA MY WAY! Me: *waves at end of hallway* Hey, sweetie! You enjoyin' your.. "Friend" there? *waggles eyebrows* Matt: *screams* MAYA!!!!!! Random Guy: *writes number on his arm* Call me, sexy.. And you can bring your girl with you. *winks* Matt: Wow. *walks away scarred* There's a LOT of fucked up people here..
Another time in VS with my friends! Cody: *walks in in stripper heels, fishnet stockings, black leather mini-skirt, tight pink v-neck shirt with balloons for breasts* *black woman's voice* Excuse me, ma'am? I is be lookin' for some condoms. VS Employee: Uhm? *looks up and down at Cody* Condoms? We don't sell them here... Cody: OH MY GOD! You sell all this provocative shiat and no condoms?! VS Employee: I'm sorry... Ma'am.. Cody: *snaps hands* Ohhh hell to the naww!! I need me some condoms, lady! I need 'em now! VS Employee: You can go to the CVS downstairs... Cody: WHAT HAPPENS IF I DON'T WANNA TAKE MAH FINE ASS DOWN THURR?! *scoffs* YOU ALLL ARE THE REASON WHY I GOTS SO MANY STDS! VS Employee: Uh.. I'm sorry but we are not responsible for you getting STDs. Cody: OH GIRL! MAYA!!! Me: *walks over from thong section* Yeah? Cody: HOLD MAH EARRINGS GIRL! THIS BIATCH DONE SAID THEY AIN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR MAH STDS! Me: *glares at lady* OOOH! You done did it! You made Candy maddd!! *holds purse and earrings* Cody: Let's go biatch! These boots just ain't for walkin'... They are for beatin' yo' sorry ass up! Manager: *walks out* I'm sorry but you need to go. Cody: Uhm.. No! I want mah condoms! Manager: We don't sell them! Cody: I'M SUEIN! IF YA'LL HAD SOME CONDOMS I WOULDN'T HAVE SO MANY STDS! Ya'll are responsible for over-popuzlatin' tha world! *walks out; hips swaying* Me: *walks out; once outside; falls on floor laughing; is carried by my guy friends to the parking lot*
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Post by leesh on Jul 22, 2009 18:47:39 GMT -5
Okay so Maya made me want to post my many VS stories since they are so fucking funneh so enjoy! Warning: There are loads of swears in here because it's freakin' Victoria's Secret! Enjoy it anyway!
Me: Austin! Get your ass in here Austin: -walks in with a scared face; whispers- But there's . . . naked ladies in there Me: I don't give a shit boy! I need some stuff from here so you're coming in here and you're staying in here too! Austin: Fineeeee VS employee: Hullo missss. May I helppp you? Me: Yeah you can. I'm buying some stuff for my mama so can you show me where the thongs and bras are? VS employee: Okayyyy howw big is your mama? Me: -mad face- Did you just insult mah mama? VS employee: uhh no ma'am I - Me: Austin! Hold my shit! this guy is getting his ass kicked! Austin: -walks over carrying a thong; gay guy voice- Oh babe! Look at how cute this thong is! Should I try it on? Me: -Laughs; Hands Austin purse and earrings- Just take mah shit Austin, I don't car about your thong right now. Manager: -walks over to us- Ma'am, Please leave and take your 'shit' with you Me: Fine I will leave Biotch! -talks like a black lady- Don't get all up in my face bitch! I'll kick your ass! Hold mah shit Austin! Austin: -comes prancing out of the dressing room in the thong; sticks his butt out- How cute do I look Angie! I look like Paris Hilton huh? Me: -covers eyes- MAH EYES! -runs out of VS laughing- Austin: -hands manager money for the thong and grabs his clothes before running out- Thank yah for this gorgeous thongg! I'm going to wear it every day! Thank yah baby -blows kiss- See yah later -winks before running after me- Manager: -horrified face- You people are fucked up! -storms off- Me & Austin: -Laughing on the floor- Random Gay Guy: -Walks over to Austin- Hayyy girl hayyy! Nice thongggg Me: -pees on the floor- Austin: -smiles and winks; gay boy voice- Yah like? It's my new uniform. I'm a stripper! Random Gay Guy: -smiles and winks back- Yeahhh I like. Maybe I'll visit yah when you're workin' Austin: -nods- Yeahh. See yah later!!! Random Gay Guy: -walks away and smiles- Me: -shakes head- This mall is pretty fucked up. Let's leave babe Austin: -nods- Okay! Me: -walks towards the door- Austin: -skips after me-
Now I have a few stories about me getting drunk and dancing with everyone. Guys and girls xD
( At a club ) Me: dayumm . . . I feel completely wasted right noww. Is that badd? Andre: Maybeee. Mhmmmm . . . look at that hot thangg! Me: -looks around frantically- What? where? Andre: -points to a very sexayyy guy- That hottie right there. Think I got a shot with that cowboy? Me: No. Sorreh Andre hunneh, That boy is all mine. It's time for this disco diva to get her groove on -purrs- Andre: -snaps fingers- Oh damn. I thought I had a shot! Me: -thinks- Maybe you can see if Austin will give you a little dance Andre: -purrs and claws at the air-
( Dancing with my friends ) Summer: -laughs- Oh dayum Angie! You better not become a stripper when you get older Andre: -dances with me- We'll be strippers together Angie Me: -raises hands above her head and shakes her hips- Oh hot damn! Someone better call the fire department! Andre: -Laughs- She's too hot for us Summer! Summer: -smirks- No one is hotter than me. Sorreh hunneh! Me: -throws arms around Summer's neck- Oh bunneh! I won't be a stripper! I'll be a playboy bunny instead. I'll be a centerfold! Andre: -looks at me carefully- Angie . . . Are you drunk? Summer: -laughs- Me: -cackles- No no I ain't high mah brothah! I'm just fineee -slurs- Andre: -looks at Summer- She's drunk Summer: Most definitely! Me: -slurs again- Buttt I ain't drunkkkk . . . . Okay maybe a litttle Andre: -picks me up and throws me over his shoulder- Let's go Summer: -sighs and pouts- Fineee Me: -whoops- No touching my ass please Andre! You ain't getting that lucky! Andre: she is very drunk. Lets go now! -hurries through the crowd- Summer: -follows Andre- Me: -drools on Andre's back and falls asleep-
MORE ARE COMING! I AIN'T DONE WITH THIS POST!
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Post by Desert on Jul 28, 2009 23:09:05 GMT -5
My turn!
( At Home)
Layra: JORDYN!!!!!!!!! me: .... Layra: JOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDYYYYYNN!!!!! me: (Oh great not again) -screams- What do you want? Layra: -screams from unpstairs bathroom- WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO I WANT YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I WANT YOU TO GIVE IT TO ME...NOW! me: ... Andre: I think she wants something Nick: Really? I never wouldn've guessed that. Hey, Jordyn you want to.... me: No. Nick: I didn't even get to finish what I was going to say. me, Andre, Jason: NO! Layra: -stroms down stairs; foaming at the mouth- GOD DAMNIT JORDYN! My boyfriend just called me. Can you drive me. me:.......Ah what the hell! Why? Layra: Because I said so! Let's go -throws keys a me Jason: You have a boyfriend? Damn. Now what am I going to do. Nick: Jason you and I could... Jason: No. Nick: -snarls- me: -gets dragged out of house; trying to escape- Layra: -kicks me in the groin- WAKE UP! me: -cries for mercy-
(on the road)
me: You ran a stopsign. Layra: Did not me: Did too Layra: Did not...... me: Ya ya did. -thinks- No wonder women can't drive Layra: DAMNIT! me: Wha...What now? Layra: Cops Both of us: -snickers and laughs-
Cop: Good afternoon Ma'am. Do you know why I pulled you over? Layra: -takes a moment to think than smiles kindly- Because you think I'm cute and you want to ask me out on a date!? -gets all exited- Cop: Errrrrr. What? Wait...WHAT? Step out of the car ma'm. Layra: You want to see my sexy ass right? Cops: Yes...I mean no! Step out of the car. Layra: -does as told- me: -laughs- My good man, you just got yourself in a situation you don't want to. Layra: -rubs on cop- Booooy. Yo should see me now! me: --laughs- Cop: -pushes Layra away- I have no time for games! Layra: -Starts to sing Lady Gaga's Loveame. Badly.- me: -Tries not to die- Cop: -covers Layra's mouth- Shhhhh, someone might hear you! Layra: -licks hand- mmmmmmm tastes like Bacon! me: -screams with laughter- Layra: -smacks butt- You have a whole load of ham here! My ass can get me anywhere. -backs up into cop- Cop- -"accidently" gives Layra's rear a good swat- Movet' Layra: -dances around cop- Baby, are you free tonight. You can do your car while I wear that funny little hat of yours. -licks neck- Me: -cries- Layra: -takes off scarf and wraps it around cop's neck- You look smexy! -purrs and rubs on him again- Cop: -blank stare- Ma'am....I Layra: I make you haaaaard!!!!? Cop: -looks at me- Does THIS -motions to Layra- Layra: -bites his finger- Cop: Ow......Does this belong to you, sir? me: Naw, I'm just here for the entertainment. Layra: Oh Jordy! Jordyn, Can you feel the love tonight? me: -stares at cop- Yes...Indeed I can............Which is a bummer for you. Cop: -glares at me and Layra- me: -glares back- Layra: -counts clouds- That one looks like me fucking your brother! -nudges cop- Cop: -grabs Layra's arm and shakes her- Listen here young lady! I have no more time for your crap. Layra: When did I say I was going to give you my crap? -confused look- me: -chuckles darkly- Cop: -face turns red- Layra:Awwww Look at joo! YOUR SO CUTE AND PLUMB! Like a piggy! -school girl giggles- No wonder they call cops pigs! Cop: -blows up and looks at me- YOU! Out of the car Jordyn McLeir. me: -scared- How do you know my name> Cop: -dark voice- I know everything. me: Damn and I thought Layra was a know-it-all. Layra: DON'T HURT MY HUSBAND! me: Husband? Layra: -gets down on knees and pleasd to cop- PLEASE You can't take him! We have six kids! All boys named Dave! You can't take the love of my life. OH Jordeh Don't you love me! -cries- DON'T LEAVE ME YOU BIG BASTARD!!!!! me: -very scared- Layra: -clings to my leg giving me puppy dog eyes- me: Awwwwwwww. Even you have a pretty puppy dog face. Layra: -Puppy dog faces the cop- Oh little Miss Piggy. You can't take him from me. Cop: ............. Layra: Go fuck your mum.... me: Damn Layra! Layra: -curses like a sailor- Cop: Is she drunk? me: No she's just being herself. Cursing enough to make a sailor blush. GO LAYRA! Layra: -screams a passing car- YOU ATE THE CHEESE CKAE GOD DAMNIT! me: ? Cop: Layra: -innocent look- What. -stares at cop- Are you a virgin? Cop: What? HELL NO! Layra: OMG I tried to.....-gags- me: -laughs- Layra: GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! me: -screams with laughter- Cop: -covers Layra's mouth- Shut up! Layra: -bites hand- IT'S A FREE COUNTRY! me: -waves imaginary flag- Cop: We're not in America! Layra: HOLLY *%%#$@ YOU'RE AN AMERICAN! -blinks than curls up on ground and whimpers- Your an American VIRGIN! Cop: -looks at me- Take control of your......wife....This instant. me: Naw Cop: -screams- WHYYYYYYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!? Layra: -bursts into song- I'm a little tea pot short anf stout! Here is my handle here is my SPOUSE! -pounces me- Cop: -grabs my hand- Let's go. Me: -fake blushes- Go where? No your house? Cop: -drags me away- Layra: -waves- BYE JORDY!!!!! HAVE FUUUUUUUUUUUUN! me: LAAAAYYYYRAAAAAAAAAAAAA! -get thrown into cop car.- Cop: Time for you to learn a lesson, Jordyn. You do NOT mess with me -spits out window- me: Who said I was the one messing with you? Cop: I did. me: GO PISS ON A WIRE! It feels goooooooooooood -holds groin and smiles- Cop: -blank stare- me: -sings- If you were gay! That'd be ok. Cop: -reachs back and grabs my leg- shut it! me: Ohhhhhh You want meh! You want sooooo bad! I can see us in the backseat of yer car! Cop: -fumes- What the fuck is wrong with your family!? me: Nothing's wrong with my family.
(at jailhouse)
me: -walks in and screams- HONEY I'M HOME! Cop: -growls- Why do I always get the dumbassess me: Baby, I'm not dumbass. Your just a smartass. Cop: -grumbles- me: I mean! You left mah sister on the side of the road. She's going to starve. Poor poor Layra. Cop: Sister? I thought she was your wife.! me: Er.....you know how to play tic-tac-toe! Cop: -shuts up- me: I BEG YOU FOR MERCY! LET ME HAVE MY ONE PHONE CALL!!!!!!!! PUH-LEAAAAAAAAAASE! I need to call mah boyfriends- waggles eyebrows- Cop: Boyfriends? me: You should see us at night! Cop: -backs up- me: -makes beeping noises as he back up-
High school math teacher: -walks in- Ah...Hallo Jordyn.. me: Mrs. Pare? Mrs. Pare: Yes love. Now, what's one of my best students doing in the jail? me: This bastard here stuck a fish up my ass! Cop: WHAT THE &^$#@ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? me: You should know. -grabs groin again and falls on floor- Ohhhhhhh Mrs. Pare. Save me from this torture! You were always my fabourite teacher! I had a crush on you Freshman year -grins and winks- Mrs. Pare: -walks over to cop- Honey. I think you sould let this boy go. He was always so sensitive in class...You had a crush on me Freshman year? -smiles- Awww that's so cute...in a creepy way. me: This manhere is your HUSBAND? Cop: What's the deal kid? At last I'm not married to my sister! Mrs. Pare: Oh Fredrick let him go! me: Who names their kid Fredrick? Mrs. Pare: Go on, Jordyn. Go home/ me: Thanks Mrs. P. Mrs. Pare: Oh and Jordyn.....Your homework is four years late. me:........(More coming soon)
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Post by Maya on Jul 29, 2009 21:13:56 GMT -5
HAHA! I have a few cop stories... BUT! I'll be savin' that after all my stories. =: D
(At friend's house; About 1-2 in the morning on weds) Me: *laying on bed; completely silent* Ash: Whatcha thinkin', twin? Me: How do boats float? Ash: ...Uhh... Me: They're made of like metal and the little buggers float on the water! *shoots upright* THAT'S NOT RIGHT! They like defy the law of floating on water... Or some scientifical term that I can't get right now. Ash: ...Uhmm.. Me: Aren't they supposed to sink?! I needa talk to some people 'bout this! It just ain't right.. *mumbles incoherently as slowly goes back down on bed* Ash: *laughs* Me: And how planes get in the air anyway?! I mean GEE-ZUS! Have you seen those things?! They're HUGEEEE!!! Ash: You need sleep. Me: No, I don't! ...Do they have speed limits in the air? Ash: I doubt it. Me: *randomly laughs* Can you imagine a cop pullin' over a plane? *cracks up* Ash: How can you pull over a plane? Me: *shrugs* Beats me.. Life's complicated.. Too many unanswered questions. Night, girl! Ash: *quivering voice* Night... *whispers to herself* What have I gotten myself into? Me: *mumbles* Shuddup. I iz be sleepin' dammit!
(At Sears dressing room on tues) Me: ARGHHH! Damn dress! Ash: *in next stall* What?? Me: Get this... This dress is my size but y'know what? Ash: ...What? Me: It won't go 'round my big boobs! Ash: *laughs* You're serious? Me: DUH! Would I lie? Ash: *cracks up* Me: It ain't funny. I got some big boobs but they don't fit in the dresses that are my size! God damn! Besides, all the big boobed girls go to prom... I mean seriously! They should just make a sign that says "Big boobed dresses!" Ash: That would help actually! Me: Yeah, and come on! What guy don't wanna see a girl's boobs? Ash: ...Another good point. Random lady: *cracks up* That sign would help actually! Me and Ash: *comes out of dressing room; gives each other scared look* Me: Oh... I forgot we were in a changin' room where loads of people come in, and I was screamin' at the top of my lungs.. Ash: *dies laughing* Yeah, Maya! In a PUBLIC dressing room! Me: Ohh... Hey! At least there weren't any guys around right? Random guy: *pops head from around corner; laughing/smiling* I was around the ENTIRE time! Me: *goes bright red in the face* Uhh... HERE! *shoves dresses into his arms* Buy your girl somethin' nice! *runs away*
(This was around when Don't Trust Me came out. Or a few weeks afterwards... WARNING: It's completely inappropriate! Haha!) *Don't Trust Me plays* Me: *throws open the curtains; struts out with slutty bikini* Boys: *cat call* Me: *poses on catwalk; winking* Hottie 1: *jumps on stage* HAVE MERCYYYY!!!!! Hottie 2: *jumps around stage wildly* OHHHHH MYYYYY DAMMMMMNNNN!!! Me: *walks off in heels; spins a little on the stage pole* Hottie 1 + 2: *throws money on stage* Hottie 1: TAKE ME BABYYY!! TAKE ME!!! Me: *winks* And to think that this WAS a modeling competition!
(WOO COP STORYYY!!! This was back when I was like... 13-14.) Me: *has hold of a guy's shirt by the collar* Gimmie ONE damn good reason as to why I SHOULDN'T punch your face in? Cop: *clears throat* Ahem... Me: *looks back; has innocent face* Oh... Heh.. *lets go of guy's shirt and smooths out shirt* Whassup? Cop: *shocked face* Well, lookee hereee!! Me: *grins brightly* Stewie! Cop: *chuckles* Were you gonna beat up this guy? Me: Nawww. Stewie! You know me! Now would I beat this innocent guy up? Cop: *doubting look* Riiiighttt! I brought you to jail once, Amaya.. Don't make me do it again! Me: Well, technically Stewie, it was juvy but eh! Whatever floats your boat! Cop: *cocks eyebrow* Don't be a smartass, Amaya. Me: *comes up to Stewie* Aw come on! You know ya miss me! Cop: *rolls eyes* Me: You know it, Stewie! My randomness and all! Cop: *laughs* You're lucky tonight, Amaya. Me: *gasps* I'm gonna get lucky tonight?! WOO HOO! *stares at Stewie* Aren't ya supposed to tell me NOT to have sex? Cop: *goes red; flustered* Uh.. No.. That's not what I meant.. Me: *knowing smirk* Aww, Stewie. Still havin' problem with the missus? Cop: WHAT?! Heck no! Me: *shakes head; pats him* You can tell me y'know. You're a handsome man. What are you...? 22-24? Cop: Almost 25 actually. Me: You gettin' some are pretty good! Get yourself some ass, Stewie! Cop: We shouldn't be talkin' about this... Just go on home before I drive you! Me: And you're a gentleman too?! AWW!! Your woman doesn't know what she's missin'! Cop: *rolls eyes* Get in the car.. Before I force ya in! Me: *holds out hands* Handcuff me baby! And force me in the back so we can get it onnnnn!!! *winks* Cop: *shakes head* No, Amaya... Me: *puppy dog face* Pleaseeee? For old time's sake, Stewie?? Cop: *exhales deeply* FINE! *slaps handcuffs on; walks to back of car* Me: I know.. I know.. Watch your head! *gets in* Care to join me, Stewie? Cop: NOPE! I'm gonna get me some ass tonight! Me: WHOA! You work fast, don't ya. Cop: Not from you, Amaya... You're a minor. Me: Sometimes cops break the law too... *smirks* Cop: No... Amaya... Just... No.. Me: Aw.. Damn.. And I was sittin' here hopin' that we can do some kinky stuff... Cop: OI! And this is why I hate dealin' with teenagers! Me: Why? 'Cuz they test you, Stewie? Make you wanna teach 'em a good rough lesson? Cop: SHUSH! No more talkin' until we get to your house! Me: *purrs* I like it when a man takes control.. *waggles eyebrows* Cop: *growls* Me: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Sheesh. You not gettin' any makes you have like PMS or somethin'. *shuts up* Cop: *glares in rearview mirror all the way home*
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Post by fuzzer on Jul 30, 2009 14:08:54 GMT -5
We are talking on facebook right now and it is wierd. Neither of us actually have a kid. We're both 15.
Des:hi Me:hey Des:wats new?i'm feeding a baby Me:cool.Babies don't like me. they cry when i hold them or try to go back to there mommies Me:aww. darn. I don't know how i'm supposed to eb a mother.maybe i'll get better as i grow Des:he luvs me Me:lol. who's baby is he?please say he's npot urs Des:Mine.umm.. well i had to tell u eventually Des:i just had to put him up for adoption.. tsk tsk Me: Lol Me:its okay i had to put mine up too. she was a darling baby girl. blue eyes Des:name? Me: Sasha Des:cute.whom may i ask was the father? Me:yeah. I think it was for the best I didn't keep her.I'm not sure. Mayeb someone from my class, maybe a guy who is in prison now and mayeb the hobo off the street Des:my mom just got fed up with paying for the dipers and taking him while i was out. u certainly got busy now didn't is there something u need to tell me about Me:aww. who's his father. i'm sorry. I led them all on. the guy from prison was the best. lol Des:his name is blake and i didn't need to know that Me:lol.whgo is this Blake? Des:my hairdressers husband he left me for her Me:oh my god. how old is he?!didn't know u were into older men. granted the guy in prison. Mikey. Is 19. he killed his father with a butterknife
THE End.
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Post by Desert on Aug 4, 2009 20:11:47 GMT -5
MORE! Random crap!
Layra: I'M going to Scotland! Me: So? Layra: Well It's fun there. Loch Ness is better than the Thames. Me: Yeeeeeah. So what. We don't have a Lake Monster! Layra: Wow Jordy.. Me: Don't call me that. Layra: I think your IQ is better, now. Me: Oh? Layra: YEAH You have an IQ of onN! CONGRATS! Me: That means you have an IQ of .000000000000000001 Layra: What? Me: See? Layra: I don't see nothin' Me: You see me don't you? Layra: Yeah but I try not to. You're so...HIDEOUS! In a boyish way. Me:........ That's why I'm the good child. Layra: And i'm the FUN child. You need to get out more. Me: -snorts- Breeze: -snorts back- Layra: Hi sexy boy, Breezy! Me: Allo Breeze. Breeze: -turns away and snorts again- Layra: I love him. His so calm and even tempered. Unlike a certain brother I know. Me: Go to Scotland already. Layra: NESSIE WILL EAT YOU! Me: I'm not going. Layra: Good. Than this'll get me away from you! And I get to see Sweetie again! Me: The donkey? Layra: Yep, she's so cute...and evil...JUST LIKE ME! Me: -groans-
(later that week)
Nick: -pounds on bedroom door- Me: I'm in a towel Nick: ohhhh Can I come in! Me: Nick? NOOOOOOOOOO -flees to bathroom- Nick: -picks at lock- I'll close my eyes. Me: -puts clothes on; but forgets about shirt- I'm not decent Nick: Baby you're always decent! Me: -screams in terror and jumps out TWO STORY WINDOW- Nick: WHYYYYY? Me: -lands in hay stack- Nick: -looks out of window- Your brother's here. Me: -grumbles something about cupcakes-
Mum: Jordyn Meress McLeir! You're filty. Nathen (little brother): -screams happily- Me: I uh, jumped out of a window. Mum: Sure you did, honey. Well, here's Nathen and everything else. I'll see you in two days. Me: For what? Mum: Night Camp....you take half. Me: How many? Mum: You take ten, Ashley takes nine. You father and I have a private lesson. Jason: Hey Mumma Mcleir! Mum: -looks over my shoulder- Oh hey boys...And Jordyn, take a shower you smell like a barn. Me: -sniffs arm- Uhhhhh Mum: And put a shirt on Me: ..... Mum: Bye bye honey -blows a kiss- Nathen: -sucks my thumb- Nick: Awww. I love your brother. He's so cute. Jason: He's gonna be one of us. Not on team Layra. Jackass: -walks in- Me: What happened to knocking? Jackass: Oh a little baby person! Me: Yeaaaaaaah. Nathen: -pulls hair- Me: OW! Nathen: -cheers delightfuly- Me: -tries to fix hair- Nathen: PAPOO Nick, Jason, Andre: Papoo? Me: Don't ask.... Nathen: -giggles and pulls Nicks hair- Nick: OW! Jared: Serves you right. Tristan: -comes out of hiding- Yo. Nathen: PAAAAAAAAPPPPOOOOOOOOO Tristan: What the hell is Papoo? Me: -mouths- I don't know. Jason: Oh I think you do. Me: -blushes- NO I DON'T! The Pack: -glares- Me: -growls- Say anything...-takes out scissors- and the Bear gets it! The Pack: NOOOOOOOOOO Sam: -starts barking- Nathen: -tries to bark- Tristan: Nice try kid. Me: -pokes Nathen's nose- Aww I think you're part dog! WOOF! The Pack: -groans- Nathen: -screams with laughter- Me: He's six months old! You have to act stupid! If you don't I'll kick your ass. Jason: -blinks- Ok. -looks at Nick; punches face- Aww I think you're part dead. OWWW Nick: -knocked out- Me: Not that stupid! -tries to not laugh- Nathen: -wiggles around; laughing.- The Pack: -Rolls on floor screaming in laughter-
(first night of camp)
Me: -speaks intro with fake enthusiansem- Good evening. I'm Jordyn McLeir. Your ruler and horse geek. These freaks here are Andre and Jared. They'll help me out. Jared: FREAKS!? Me: Don't interupt. Jackass: What about me? Me: What do you mean what about me? Jackass: Aren't I a freak. Me, Jared: ... Jackass: Screw you guys. One of the campers: Ohhhhh you cussed! Me: -slaps Jackass in the back of the head- No cursing god damnit! Another camper: You tell him teacher person! Me: Just call me Jordyn. Camper: Ok, Jordyn. You show him! Jackass: You're too nice. Me: AM NOT! Jackass: AM TOO! Jason: Will you two go three days without trying to kill eachother? Me: No, Jackass: Sure, dude. -walks away- Me: FOR THAT I"M PUTTING YOU ON A MULE!
Campers: ohhhhhh Are you two friends. Me: Kinda...Now. As I was saying. Camper that looks like he hasn't brushed his teeth in six months: -raises hand- Me: Yes....uh Creepy mouth kid: Josh...Can I go the the potty? Me: -looks around- Yeah I see a tree with your name written all over it. Josh: -backs away slowly than bolts- Me: I'm going to give you a horse. I don't care if you like him. He probably won't like you so....Live with who I give you. Camper named Tarah: Um, excuse me! But...I can't fit a horse in my house so how do I live with one? Jared: This group is very bright. Tarah: It's not bright...It's dark. That's why it's called Night riding. Right? Me: How old are you? Tarah: Four. -holds up three fingers- Me, Jared, Andre: -shifty eyes-
Me: Tara you're going to ride this little pony over here. Tarah: Ooook Jordyn Me:: -Looks at a girl that looks like Miley Cyrus.- AH! And you are. Mini Miley: I'm Rachel, Baby. Me: Rachel...Baby. Like your last name is baby? Rachel: Ohh you're funny....and cuuuuuuuuute. Jason, Andre: -bursts out laughing- Me: ..................uuuuuuuuuuh Thanks I guess. Rachel: Are you single? Me: Yeah. Rachel: Not anymore. -skips over and takes my hand- Me: -scared-
Rachel: I want to ride with you on Jasper. Me: -looks at old fart quarter horse- I don't think he'll like that.
(not done)
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Post by Maya on Aug 4, 2009 20:50:25 GMT -5
*screams with laughter* I absolutely love you and your friends!! You all make me laughhh!!
Nut: Horseback riding Take 1
Nut: *whines* MAYAAAAA!!! Me: Yeah? Nut: Can we ride your uncle's horsies? *looks hopeful* Me: Lemme ask him. YO UNCLEEE DENNISSS!! *skips over enthusastically* Uncle: *looks down* Yeah? Me: Can me and Nut ride your horses? Nut: *screams with delight* HORSIEEEE!!! Uncle: *looks confused at Nut; looks back to me* How old is he exactly? Me: He's 23... *shifty eyes* Uncle: Are you for real? Me: *nods head* Uncle: *shrugs* Sure why not? You ride Taco. He gets Rocky. Me: *jogs away* NUTTTT!!!! Nut: CAN WE RIDE THEM?! Me: Yes. I get Taco. You get Rocky. Nut: *confused look* Uhh.. Which horsie is Rocky? Me: *points to bay in back* He's the bay. Nut: Uhh... What's a bay? Me: *enters pasture; calls Rocky and Taco* Taco: *gallops up; shoves his muzzle against my cheek* Rocky: *trots up* Nut: *hides behind me* HE'S SCARYYYY!!! Me: Which one? *giggles; pets Taco* Nut: Taco! Me: My baby boy, Taco? Pshhhhh! Boy, get your eyes checked! He's three years old. Rocky's six. Nut: *blinks* How old are they in horse years? Me: *groans* Why do I even bother? Rocky and Taco: *all tacked up fifteen minutes later* Me: *mounts Taco easily* Nut: *struggles* Erm.. How do we get in the saddle? Me: *demonstrates* Nut: OOHHH!!! *mounts Rocky* Me: Congratulations! You got on your first horse! Nut: *claps giddily* YAYYYY!!!! HORSIEEE!!! Me: *walks Taco around pasture* Nut: HEYY WAIT FOR ME! Go horsie go! *waits for Rocky to move* Me: Nut? Click your tongue, squeeze his sides and then he'll go. Nut: OH! Okay! *clicks tongue; squeezes sides* GIDDUP! Me: Oh crappp.... *watches Rocky gallop off* Nut: *screams* MAYA! HELP ME! HE'S RUNNIN' OFF WITH ME! Me: *laughs; screams back* AWW YOU TWO MAKE A VERY CUTE COUPLE! OH AND I FAILED TO MENTION HE'S A TEAM PENNING HORSE! HE LIKES TO GO FAST! Nut: COME HELP ME DAMMIT! Me: FINE! *gallops after Rocky; catches up; stops Rocky* Nut: *clings to me* THE HORSIE IS MEAN!!! Me: *sighs* You're fine. He didn't hurt you.. Nut: NUHUH! He scarred me for life! I'll never be the same around horses again! I'll have new a phobia. Me: Oh really? What phobia is that? Nut: *thinks* Oh... ERM... Well... Y'know... The fear of... HORSIE! Me: Interesting. *trots away* Nut: Maya? Maya? You never taught me how to get off the horise. Me: *on other side of fence* Bye Nut! Nut: *screams* AMAYA SABRINA! GET YOUR WHITE ASS BACK OVER HERE! Me: *waggles ass* Make me mistah I'm six foot seven! Nut: *falls off of Rocky onto head* OWIEEE!!! *runs up to me; Rocky trots after him* Me: *laughs* Nut: *screams* GET AWAY FROM MEEEE STALKERRR!!!! *runs back and forth in pasture* Uncle: *watches* When is he gonna finish? Me: *shrugs* I dunno. But it's funny!!
Nut and Me talkin
Me: Whatcha doin'? Nut: Fuckin' youuuu. Me: ...Really? You must got an invisible dick cuz all my clothes are on. Nut: Or maybe I'm just that goodddd... *waggles eyebrows* Me: *rolls eyes* Or maybe you just wish you were that good! Nut: *gasps* THAT HURT! Me: Aww. I'm sorry, NutterButter! Nut: You best be. *holds onto his chest* OOOOHHHH MY HEARTTTT!!! IT'S BREAKING INTO A MILLION PIECES! Me: *shakes head* You're such a girllll!! Nut: *gasps* OH REALLY?! You're a heartbreaker, Maya Baya! Me: HEY! Baya means beautiful! Nut: DAMMIT! Me: *grins* You can't beat me at my own game. Nut: *confused* So... Now we're playin' a game? *grins mischeviously* Can it be a kinky one?? Me: *smacks hand onto face* Dante! Nut: *cringes* You're mad at meee?! *puppy dog face* I LUH JOO MAYA! TRULY I DO! DON'T KILL ME! Me: *hugs Nut* I can't kill my best friend! You're like my brudda! Nut: WOOOO!!! I'm familyyyy!! So.. Can I call your faddah dad? Me: Nut... We're not married or anythin' of the sort. *walks away* Nut: DAMMITTT!! Me: *laughs* You're... Too much of a brother to me! Nut: DAMMIT!!!
(More to come)
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Post by .x.chaos.is.R E B E L L I O N| on Aug 4, 2009 22:23:15 GMT -5
(driving to gulfshores with kelsey and her family) me: *sees killer whale on bilboard* OH EM GEEZY!!! IT'S FREE WILLEH!!! kelsey: AH!!! *sudden disgusted look* that man doesn't need to go free willeh... me: *disguested look, then brightens* OOOOOH! I WANNA GO FREE WILLEH TOO!! unhook my bra. *waggles eyebrows*
(playing dodgeball in p.e. in an all girl's class) me: *in vicious mood* hey there, breanna!!! breanna: *trying not to get hit* what?! me: *in opposite team, holding purple dodgeball* how's things with yer girlfriend goin?! breanna: *abruptly stops* what tha hell?! me: *wicked grin; it's just a face-off between me and her* yah. you. how are things agoin? talk about yer headboard-bangin' feelings. breanna: *mad; red-faced* miki cantu!!!!!! i do NOT roll that way!!! me: *starts hysterical laughter* AIN'T WHAT I HEARD!!! i heard ya got a sex change and didn't wantcho momma to find out. breanna: *screams in anger* shut the fuck up!!! *picks up bigger red ball* me: *laughter gets louder* shoooot! i betcha that's the biggest ball you've felt since yer mornin' scratch!!! breanna: *slams ball down and screams cuss words, charges at me* me: *evil cackles as jogs away lightly* woah now! i made breanna the hermaphrodite angsteh! class & coach: *rolling in the bleachers laughing their asses off*
(is walking down school hallway with jordan (who's a 6'7" black bball player) and kelsey) me: *sudden bright eyes, thoughtful expression* jordan..? jordan: what it be, baby-g? me: *soft, child-like, curious voice* what's a love-tap? kelsey: *starts laughing so hard glasses fall off* jordan: *has focused expression* um...i think it's- me: *gasps* is it like this?! *kicks jordan in butt as hard as i possibly can to watch him fall down the stairs....yells loudly as he tumbles* I LOVE YOU!!!
(in p.e. outside, playing volleyball) me: *gives beautiful serve* TAKE THAT COACH SEXX- I MEAN COACH PARMAN!!! coach: *gives the window push, sending it to jessica; shoots me disapproving look* miki...that's inappropriate. i'm engaged. me: *looks innocent* i have nooo idea whatcher talkin' 'bout. coach: *rolls eyes* me: *lunges to push back ball and it hits coach full in face and bounces into road; is dying from laughter* WHAT?! IT'S ATTRACTED TO BULLCRAP?! i mean...look at it?! *points to yellow ball with drawn frowny face on it* coach: *is rubbing reddened face and goes to go get ball in road with odd bowl-legged walk* me: *howls with laughter* WHAT'S WRONG COACH?! YOU WALKIN' LIKE YA GOTTA CORN-COB STUCK UP YER BUTT!!!
(in school cafeteria) me: *sudden mischevious grin* i wonder...*takes fork and stabs pear* ah-ha! morgan: *starts giggling* whatcha gon' do with that? ya kinda look like a judge! me: *wide grin; bangs new contraption on table* order in the court! order in the- *pear flies off and hits principal in head* FUCK! *jumps onto floor and hits behind bags*
(one of the random convos at our lunch table) me: *suddenly inspired* i wonder what mexican terrorists would be like... *ponders thought* paige: holy shit miki! you'd be like their ring-leader!!! me: *hysterical laughter* i'd bust all up in taco bell and be like *fiesty mexican voice, imitates holding up shotgun* JOO!!! GIVE ME ALL YER TAHCO SAWCE!!! NOW, NOW NOW!! *gets poked by paige; nods and then carries on imitation* oh...and gimme a bean burreeto for meh frien' juan too!! *eager grin, shakes head like ceizure* paige: *is dying from laughter; adds in mexican voice* oooh! and make eet estra spicay!!! me: *after laughing for several minutes calms down and then abruptly asks* what about chinese terrorists...
(at my house with aspen) both: *listening to "she's a lady" by tom jones* dude! we otta make a video this song and do everything the total opposite!!! *excited expression* aspen: like this? *imitates eating sloppily* me: *falls out of chair, laughing ass off, and gripping crotch* STOP IT!! STOP IT!!! I GOTTA GO PEE!!! aspen: *is laughing hard and runs to go get something from my room* me: *still laughing, but feels the urge to go pee; can't get up so crawls on hands and knees at unbelievably fast pace, chanting and laughing* GOTTA GO PEE!!! GOTTA GO PEE!!! *gets to bathroom door, struggles to stand up and slames door just as aspen comes out of my room* aspen: *bewildered, shocked look* miki....i just heard a large animal...was that you??? *looks out of room just to see me slam bathroom door*
me: *emerges from bathroom* ooooh yeah. i feel better now. aspen: *looks at me with wide-eyes* WHAT WAS THAT?! me: *burst into laughter* this. *does speedy crawl on hands and knees* aspen: *dies from laughter* i call dat da rauncheh mikeh!!! (now you all know what i do when i say the "rauncheh mikeh)
(aspen just got to meh house; first time in like three years she's seen momma.) momma: *happy that aspen is home* hey daughter number tw0! so what's up about this doctor's appointment? aspen: oh nothing much! just sick. *bright smile* i'll prolly get a shot- me: *pops outta nowhere* in da boodeh! aspen: *quick to correct* or in the arm! me: *same voice, spanish twang* or....in da boodeh. aspen: *looks at me, then turns to momma* anyways, i have to go- me: *same voice* IN DA BOODEH! aspen: *amused look on face; voice complaintive* mik! stop it! *sputters with laughter* me: *THAT voice* what? IN DA BOODEH!!! aspen: *laughing slightly harder now, go gets broom and chases me around kitchen with it, trying to jam IN DA BOODEH!!!*
(omg...i wanna put tom's **** and ***** game...but uh...i don't think i'm allowed to. *screams with laughter and then dies from laughter*)
(going thru indiana after retrieving aspen) both aspen and me: *sees guy who thinks he's cool, got his pants saggin' with blue boxers showing* me: *naughty grin* take it away aspen... aspen: *returns grin, then sticks head out window* hey! hey you! YO PANTS ARE ATCHO KNEES!!! JUST THO'T I'D LETCHOO KNOW!!! guy who thinks he smexxy: *turns around to see aspen with her head out door, hand waving him down erratically; shakes his head* aspen: *yells* YOOO HOOO!!! YO ASS IS SHOWIN'!!! DON'T NO ONE WONNA SEE DAT!!! guy who thinks he smexxy: *embarrassed grin on face, shaking head* aspen and me: *yells out window as truck passes* AN' BLUE AIN'TCHO COL-UH!!! me: *throws up piece sign*
(at school, in seventh grade when i had coach GEE-ORGE as my teacher (he be the evul softball coach i nightmared about)) me: *sighs* coach: *is writing notes on board, stops at my sighing, and turns around slowly with smirk on his face* what was that for? me: *sits up, devious smirk on face* you're in the way of the board. coach: *sudden glare* what are you saying, miki? just say it. me: *suddenly wails* COACH, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU CAME FROM BOF SIDES O' DA FAMILEH AND YOU IS COVERING UP THE NOTES!!! NOTES THAT I GET A GUH-RADE AWN!!! coach: *despite himself, chuckles darkly, then abruptly stops with straight face* detention. me: *does "WHA' DA CRA-YUP" expression*
(another one from the lair of evul) me: *primly walks in class, unhappy about yesterday's detention* coach: *smiles sincerely at me* i'm sorry, miki. me: *bristles* about what coach? coach: *smirk* well, i've decided since you seem so unhappy about having no more detention, i'll open my heart and you now have another day of detention. me: *snaps* WHA' DA CRA-YUP, COACH?! *snorts* you are suuuch an oxymoron. coach: *wider smirk* MIKI!!! you just call me a moron? me: *confused look, then understanding* OH NO!!! no no no! coach, an oxymoron is a phra- coach: *chuckles darkly* 3 days of detention. me: COA- coach: four. me: DA- coach: five. me: CHRIS GEORGE!!!! coach: *death glare* 16 days of detention. me: *dies* jared: *winks at me* you'll be spending those with me, beautiful. me: *rolls eyes* coach: shuddup jared. 17 days, miki. me: *tight lipped; red-faced, walks stiffly to desk*
(another day in world geography) coach: *putting notes on board* me: *coughs* you're in the boardway. *coughs* coach: *looks at me with devilish smirk and snickers* detention. me: *gawks*
(another day!) coach: *writing assignment on board, and abreviates the word "assignment"* me: *bursts into laughter* strictly follow the ass? coach: *whirls around* 2 days of detention. me: WHAT FER?! coach: cussing. *folds arms* me: I WAS READING WHAT'S OFF THE BOARD!!! coach: *aaaaall smiles* 3 days. me: *groans and bangs head on table* (eighth grade's awards ceremony) vice principal aka-the big man you don't ever want to make angry: *announces subject awards* science award-mikayla cantu. me: *snarls to kelsey* no he just di'n't. *gets up to go get award, then sits back down* vp: mathmatical award-michael cantu me: *wails to kelsey* oh gosh imma guy now!!! I'M MY BROTHER!!! kelsey: *trying so hard not to laugh* school: *chuckling at my dismay* me: *walks green mile to go get certificate* vp: language arts award-mikayla cantu me: *ish quite angry by now and takes next certificate and then the one vp hands me* vp: *whispers off mike* young ma'am, how do you say your name? me: *gulps, white-faced that the god of my school is talking to me* um.........me-cah-ay-lah. vp: *nods, giving half-hearted smile; no teeth* alrighteh then. go on and take the rest of your awards. me: *nods; wide-eyed* vp: *announces* history award-micaela cantu. p.e. award-micaela cantu. me: *flustered and walks back to seat, whole school looking at me* hey, kelsey...one good thing did come out of this. kelsey: *can't quit laughing* wha'? me: *waggles eyebrows at kelsey with MAHNvoice* coach parman likes to watch me run. *claws air and purrs*
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Xx EcHo xX
New Member
All In All.. You're Nothing But My <EcHo>
Posts: 10
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Post by Xx EcHo xX on Aug 5, 2009 10:39:22 GMT -5
oops...i posted didnt i?
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Post by .x.chaos.is.R E B E L L I O N| on Aug 5, 2009 12:09:47 GMT -5
*chuckles* you smart ass! *hugs
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Xx EcHo xX
New Member
All In All.. You're Nothing But My <EcHo>
Posts: 10
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Post by Xx EcHo xX on Aug 6, 2009 11:35:50 GMT -5
*in living room, TOM folding my laundry out of my green tub.(i am too lazy to hang things up myself)* TOM: Aspen, I can't believe the fuzzies on this shirt!! *mocks girly voice* ME: *keeps typing on laptop* yeah..uh huh..*keeps staring at screen* TOM: *picks up my indian purse* WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? ME: *looks over at him* Dat's muh purse deddy. Tom: No, that's sum Pocahontas shit. ME: No it aint! *looks offended* TOM: *swings purse over shoulder and acts like a white ghetto person* BACK OFF, DIS BE MY MEDICINE BAG, BEEYITCH. ME: *falls off couch with laughter* NO YOU DIDN'T!! TOM: *bats eyelashes* YES I JUSS DII ID! *at church on wednesday..(back to school bash)* Ray Ray: Aspen, I want that slice of pizza. ME: sure you can have it..*goes to hand it to him and then shoves it in her mouth* Ray Ray: That aint fair Aspen. Meany!! ME: PORQUE NO TE CALLAS?? (why dont you shuddup?) Ray Ray: WHY DONT YOU SHUDDUP, WOMAN?? One of Ray Ray's friends (Austin): *google eyes Aspen* She ain't a woman, Dalton..She's a lady. Ray Ray: *looks annoyed* Dude, we are 10. you aint gunnna get in her britches. Austin: *looks disapointed* ME: *mouthful of pizza* DASS SOO *spews pepperoni everywhere* SHWEET!! *hugs austin* Austin: *muffled* your boobs are in my face. JESUS IS WRONG!!!! THERE IS HEAVEN ON EARTH!!! Ray Ray: *walks away from table quickly* IM GUNNA FIND NEW FRIENDS NOW, YOU SCUZZ! *walking down the road* MIKI: Aspen, there is no resaon to be afraid..I aint even living here and im walking like i own da place. ME: *quakes in fear of strange person passing by* my point exactly. Im juss scared imma get stoled or raped or something.. MIKI: ASPEN YOU. DONT. LIVE. IN. THE. GHETTO. *mower nearby backfires* ME: GUNSHOT!!!! GUNSHOT!!!! MIKI: *screams and tackles Aspen into nearby ditch* MAN DOWN MAN DOWN!!!!!!!!!! *lays ontop of Aspen and pretends to paint on war paint* ME: *muffled* GETR OFFEH MEE....*fails arms widly* MIKI: I uh... sorreh.. *at miki's house* JOSH: hey Aspen! ME: hiya, Josh. JOSH: *looks at miki* Hey, stupid. MIKI: *looks at him evil like* Shuddup, fat lard. ME: *spreads arms apart* WOAH WOAH WOAH.. *sings badly* WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS? WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS? MIKI'S MUM: Aspeeeeennnn!!!!!!!!!! ME: yeesum?? MIKI'S MUM: SHUDDUP JOSH: Hey you guys, as I was saying..Did you know that the guy down the street was selling dogs??? FOR FREE?? *miki and Aspen looks at each other then spurts out laughing* ME: fat lard. *miki and Aspen begin walk to miki's room* ME: anyway...*trips and falls on face* JOSH: *from living room* THAT'S CALLED KARMA!!! ME: *looks up at miki from floor* how's come he always gets other people with karma? SCOTT: *peeks out of his room with knowing look* because... well... because.. normally ill help you with math or someting..but this is juss one of them thangs.. *yanks head back into room and slams door*
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Post by Maya on Aug 6, 2009 11:53:26 GMT -5
The two boys on the football team. I know all the JV and varsity football boys. =: D Timmy: *on Cody's shoulders* OH MY GOD!! I never knew what was inside the ceiling! Cody: *looks up* I WANNA SEEE!!! Timmy: Helll noo! You're taller than me. I can't lift ya up here. Cody: Fuck you! And you say you're a football player? Me: BOYS! There's no reason to fight. Cody: *smiles innocently* Sorry, Maya. Timmy: Yeah. I'm sorry too, Maya. Cody: *grins* I betcha Maya could lift me up there! Me: Wha--? Hell no! Not on my life am I liftin' you up there! Timmy: She's too short, Cody! Cody: Correction, dumb ass. She's FUNSIZED. Me: Yeah, yeah. I am. Thank ya, Cody. Timmy and Cody: *laughs* Me: *confused* I don't wanna know what you two are thinkin'... Cody: You suree? Timmy: We should just tell 'er! Me: Tell me what? Cody and Timmy: WE COULD HAVE A LOT OF FUN WITH YOUR SIZE! Me: Ugh. No surprise. Everyone can. *laughs* Timmy: OH BABYYY!! Cody: *grins* We're a bad influence. Me: Bye guys! Cody: Wait for me! *starts to run after me* Timmy: *gets choked on the ceiling tile; falls backwards screaming* Cody: *crashes into wall* Timmy: *still screaming hysterically; has death grip on Cody's waist and neck* Me: *looks back; slides to the floor laughing so hard*
At lunch Natey: Hey guys! Jeffy: Hello! Ty: Hey hun! Me: *grins* Hey sweetheart! Ty: *blushes* Awww! Jeffy: *glares* OI! She's mine! Ty: *clears throat* You're gay. Jeffy: So?! It's Maya for pete's sake! I think I can make an exception. Ty: Oh so true. Me: *smiles; looks at Timmy and Natey* Whatcha up to? Timmy: Thinkin' this pizza looks hella good! Natey: *nods hungrily* MMMMM!!! Me: *sitting next to Timmy; puts fake spider on his pizza* Timmy: *lifts it up to eat; drops it; screaming* OH MY GOD! EWWW THERES A SPIDER!!!! Me: *watches Timmy bolt to the other end of the cafeteria; standing on back table screaming with flailing arms; dies laughing* All the guys (JV and V football): *screams with laughter*
Random conversation with Jennie at lunch! Me: Why is the banana riding a dinosaur? Jennie: I dunno... Cuz it wants a ride? Me: *shrugs* I guess... But it's ironic though. Jennie: How come? Me: ..Cuz the *air quotes* dinosaur looks like a condom. Jennie: *cracks up* Me: *screams at top of lungs* SAVE THE CONDOM DINOS!!!! *dies laughing*
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Post by .x.chaos.is.R E B E L L I O N| on Aug 7, 2009 19:47:02 GMT -5
(first day of school) me: *drags into 2nd block* so....tired...*dies when falls into seat* emily (she's like a bonified midget at an amazing 4'10"): *looks at me worriedly, but expression is hyper* mikimikimikiMIKI!!! me: *eyes snap open and yells angrily* WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! emily: *does most adorable chipmunkish giggles and leans in close to whisper excitedly* i had docter pepper. me: *groans; ghetto* oh hey-l no you di'n't! EMMY!!! emily: *chipmunk giggle; jumping up and down in seat* oh yes i did!!! *suddenly pouts and says w/ each sentence becoming higher in pitch* i miss it. it's in my purse! IT'S SO COLD, ALONE, AND-AND-AND DOCTER PEPPERISH!!! *looks at me, and goes* gr! me: *burst out laughing, then abruptly stops and looks indignant* wait! why does it haveta be a dawg? why cain't it be like a .....cat!!! *looks at emmy and goes* MEEE-OOOOOW! emmy: *is dying of laughter* WAIT!!! why does eet haveta be a cat? why cain't it be a bunneh? *tries to wrinkle nose, but gives up and instead grabs nose and moves it side to side* me: *accusingly* CHEATER!!! emmy: *looks confused* i-uh-don't know how to do a cheetah... me: *screams with laughter, recieves glare from coach alford and is sent to office*
(at chinese restuaurant; michael, scott, and damian are gone elsewhere, just mom, dad, josh, and me) me: *picks up solitary noodle with fork* duuuude, josh! josh: *looks up from food* shuddup miki. me: JOSH! I'LL HAVE YOU KNO-*scoffs and slings fork in josh's direction to point, and noodle flings off into old lady's hair behind josh* HOLY SHIT!!! *is mortified* josh: *wide-eyed* you said a dirteh wo- me: *whispers desperately* josh...josh! look! *points at lady's hair where noodle hangs* josh: *rolls eyes but looks anyways and quickly turns around, face red with laughter, can barely breathe* oh gosh miki! you gonna tell her? me: *still scared* um...no...GET IT OFF!!! *urgent whisper* josh: *is still laughing his butt off* i'll try! *hoops with laughter, making noodle-haired ladeh turn around and scowl at us* me: *bursting into laughter* hurry up before mom and dad get back from the bar!! josh: *choking back laughter, takes napkin and turns around and swats at lady's hair, none-too-gently, making her whirl around on josh; noodle flying off into her plate* me: *absolutely dying with laughter* old woman: what do yew keeds wan'? *angry face* josh: *through laughter, reaches across to pat her head* i think you have nice hair. old woman who looks faintly like clint eastwood: *scowls then turns away and eats noodle that was in hair* me && josh: *laughing so hard we're falling out of our chairs*
hehe, some more are coming from the first day of school...just too relaxed to do it at the moment.
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Post by Maya on Aug 8, 2009 22:07:35 GMT -5
Phone convo with Nut when I woke up.
Me: *overly chipper* HIYA HUN! Nut: *grumbles sleepily* ...Hi... Me: WAKE UP SUNSHINE! Nut: Ugh.. Why? Me: OH! I have somethin' to tell joo! Nut: What?? *groans* Me: *talks really fast* So! Yknow Steve's kid, Kyle? He kept hittin' on me. Untied my bathing suit FIVEEE times. NOT ONCE but FIVEEE times! He's 11 by the way. He kept askin' me out so I told him I was datin' ya! Nut: *perks up* REALLYYY?! Waittt.. *suddenly angry* That kid untied your bathing suit?! Lemme kill the bastard! Me: *sighs* As much as I'd like for you to kill him, you can't. I can't be boyfriend-less! Nut: Yes, I will stay by my girlfriend's side! For your sake of course. Me: *laughs* For my sake so I don't hit on by perverted 11 year olds. Nut: *chuckles* You can use me as your boyfriend anytime, baby girl. Me: Nut! If you were here I'd hug ya! Haha. Nut: Why? Me: 'Cuz you're a sweetie! Nut: Aww! Thanks, Maya! Me: Anytime! Sessy: *grabs phone; screams into it* THE GIANT BUNNIES ARE COMIN'! THEY GOT SOME BIG ROCKET LAUNCHERS! *phone line goes dead*
Anddd the truth comes out... Haha! Sessy drunk! Sessy: *laying on my couch; moaning; slurring speech* Oh... My headdd... Me: *walks over* You shouldn't drank as much as you had. Sessy: *nods; takes my hand* I won't die will I? Me: *scoffs* NAW! Not when I'm around. Sessy: *eyes water* Good. Thank youuu. Me: Can I ask you somethin'? Sessy: Suree. Me: What was Nut like when he was a kid? Sessy: *chuckles* He had a crush on Justin Timberlake when he was 7! OH! Don't tell him I told ya though. He'd have my head on a stick fo' sure. Me: *grins mischeviously* Realllyyy? Your secret's safe with me. Nut: *walks in* Damn! He got smashed! Me: *lets go of Sessy's hand; walks up to Nut; whispers in his ear* I know your dirty little secret... *walks away* Nut: *paranoid; frantic* What secret?! Me: OHHHH NOTHIN'! *skips away merrily* JUST YOUR CRUSH ON JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!!! Skull: HAHAH! Man, you're never livin' that one down! Nut: Ugh... I hate Sessy's.... Drunkeness. Me: *screams from other room* I LOVE IT! Sessy: *holding head* EVERYONE SHUDDUP! I HAVE A GODDAMN HEADACHE! LET THIS DRUNKEN BASTARD SLEEP AIGHT?! *mumbles* Youse people ain't got no damn respect... Let drunken idiots get rid of they headache!
During gym Me and Jennie: *sitting on bleachers; looking at subsitute teacher* Me: He looks like an elf with his pointy ears. Jennie: RIGHT! And he's got a big nose. Me: And he's got weird teeth. Jennie: Mhm! Me: *slides down bleachers* Excuse me, sir? Sub: *looks back from running people* Yeah? Me: What's your name? Sub: Mr. Powers. Me: OH MY GOD THAT'S AWESOME!!! Jennie: ...Like in Austin Powers? Me: *screams with laughter*
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Post by Maya on Aug 18, 2009 16:34:18 GMT -5
Over my campin' trip to Mansfield Mass.
On the way there. (Toria's 4. Nessa is 8 =: D) Mike: *gets out cigarettes* Victoria (Toria): Why daddy smoking? Me: I dunno. Cuz he feels like it. Vanessa (Nessa): Daddy sucks on cigarettes. Toria: NO! He blows on them! Me, Ash, Mama Deb, Mike: *screams with laughter*
Pool swimmin' at nightt! Me and Ash: *watches diving guys* Nick: *swims up* You wanna join? Me: Nah.. I think I'll stick with judging who jumps are higher. Nick: Hypocrit. Me: *eyes widen* Excuse meee? Nick: *smirks* Hypo-crit! Me: Alright! I'm in! *gets out* Ash: *gets out too* David: *dives first* Nate: *dives* Nick: *dives in* COME IN! Me: *jumps in* I can't dive! Ash: *attempts to dive* Me: *looks at David* Have you ever tried a slow motion jump? David: Nope! *looks at Nick* Have you? Nick: *shakes head* Nope! But I wanna try! Go first, David! David: *does slow-mo jump; comes up* OH MY GOD! NUT CRACKER! Me: *clings to side of pool; laughing* I'm sorry! Nick: *fails at slow-mo jump* Rub some cream on it so he feels better. Me: *smirks* That's very tempting. David: *shocked* Wha-? *looks at bouncing Nick in pool* What're doin? Nick: It feels good on my testies! David: What testies? They're raisins! Nick: NAH! They graduated to melons. David: *looks over to see us laughing* Really? Nick: YEAH! Now they're the size of Saturn! Me and Ash: *almost drowns laughing so hard*
Playin' B-ball at night... And where I got constantly hit on by a 30 year old. Me: *misses hoop* Brian (Has severe ADHD): I GOT IT! Now I'm gonna shoot since I got the ball. Malakai (Yes, I met a guy named after a charrie here.. CREEPY RIGHT!?): *watches him shoot; a little buzzed* I'm Malakai. Who are you ladies? Me: Amaya. Ash: I'm Ashley. Malakai: I'm Malakai. And Amaya is a very pretty name. *smiles* Me: Aw thanks! I like your name too! Malakai: So how old are you? Me: I'm almost 17. Ash: I'm 16. Malakai: Nice! *watches two guys come outta nowhere* Hey! I'm Malakai! Mike (He was cuteee): Hey! I'm Mike! Kevin (Legally blind): Nice to meet you. I'm Kevin. The guys: *get into competitive mode & get a little aggressive* Me: *catches ball before Mike does* HAH! Malakai: Give her some room to shoot! Me: *shoots & gets it in the hoop* WOO! Ash: *claps* Very nice! Me: I wonder what Malakai would do if some guy pissed us off or touched us. Malakai: *stands in front of me* I'd punch the asshole in the face. Me: *grins* Sweet! *laughs* Brian: *random* YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER! Malakai: HEY! I don't wanna hear any f-bombs! There's ladies around! *looks at me and winks* Me: *looks at Ash; shrugs; sits down on picnic table* Ash: *sits next to me* Mike: *runs to bench; purposefully gets my attention by touching my shoulder before shooting; winks* That shot was for you, baby! Me: *laughs* Very nice! *winks back* Malakai: *struggles to get on barrel to shoot* Me: You can show off if you get on it first! Malakai: I'm workin' on it! *finally gets on* HAH! *shoots but lid of barrel tilts; stumbles but lands on ground* DAMN IT! Me: *laughs* The guys: *continue to show off but stop to join us* Ash: *scared look* Me: *excited look* Come to join us? The guys: YEAH! Mike: *sits down next to me but bumps into me* Oh. Sorry! Me: *smiles* It's okay. Mike: We were butt to butt for a minute there. *grins* Me: *laughs* I enjoyed that! Ash: So how old is everyone? Brian: 20! *drinks beer* Mike: 18 Kevin: 19 Ash: 16 Malakai: 16 was an awesome age.. But now it sucks to be twice that number! Me: I'm almost 17. *random chatter* Malakai and Brian: Bye girls! We gotta go sleep! Mike: Bye ladies! Kevin: Bye! Ash: *waves* Me: Bye Brian! Bye Malakai. Bye Mike! Bye Kevin. Kevin: Why was I last? Me: *laughs* Bye Kevin. Mike: I don't get a second good-bye? That hurts, Amaya.. *looks hurt* Me: *shakes head; laughing* Bye Mike!
The day we went to Gillette Stadium! Which is the home of the Patriots. (Go New England Patriots!!! ♥) Me: *walks into Pro-shop* OHHHH MYYYY GODDD!!! I died and went to heaven!!! Ash: *looks at me* I know right! But.. The Giants are so much better! Me: *glares* I don't care... Mike: Oh jeez.. You two are die-hard football fans, aren't you? Me: HELLZ YEAH! Mike: *talks to worker* Can you get Mike down here? Worker: Will do. Michael (Mike's Cousin and General Manager of the Pro-Shop): Hey! You look good Mike! Mike: Same to you! Me: *looks at Michael* I feel in love! Michael: *laughs* Really? What team you root for? Me: *looks down* I can't tell you.. Michael: Well... If I make Tom Brady give you a hug and a kiss will you convert? Me: *eyes widen* OH MY GOD! Heck yeah! He's on FIAH!!! And he's sexyyyy!! *drools* Michael: *chuckles* They had a game last night so they're restin', but they do come down here pretty often. Me: *jaw drops* Seriously?! You call me the next time Tom comes here. Michael: I will! Me: *looks at Ash* Brady is a fine piece of work. Ash: *grins* I knoww! Mike: Oh boy, Mike... Look what you did.. Michael: *smiles* Hey! Tom won't mind to give an adoring fan a hug! Mike: Well... She may never let him go. Me: *grins; looks at Michael* I hope you're not expecting Tom back when he hugs me. No promises! Michael: *laughs; looks at Mike* I like her already!
There's more stories but I'm lazy. =: P
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Post by Desert on Aug 20, 2009 19:06:14 GMT -5
Random moments with meh friends
Jason: -stands in sidewalk screaming- I LOVE YOU! YOU LOVE ME! WE'RE A HAPPY FAM-AL-EEEEEEEEEEEE Me: Will you shut up? Jason: WIT A GREAT BIG HUUUUUUG AND A KISS FROM ME AN YOU. WON'T YOU SAY YOU! LOVE! ME! TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Nick: -squeezes Jason in hug- I love you, too. Jason: -kicks Nick- Why are you hugging me? Nick: You told me to. Me: -bursts out laughing- Random person: Stupid teenagers Me: TEENAGER WHY I OTTA! Tristan: Calm yourself McLeir. Me: I'm a MAN! I shave everyday! Jared: You do not! Me: Do too! Jared: Then why is you jaw all fluffy? Me: -rubs jaw- It's not that bad. Jason: Dude you have a freaking BEARD! Me: -scared- Nick: I think your lips are still kissable. Me, Jason, Jared, Tristan: -screams- Nick: What? Jason: Dude you're gay! Nick: Yeah, so? You've known that for months. Tristan: Bleh Jason: Can't you act straight? Nick: No. Me: Do I realy have a beard? Jason: Yes Jared: Jordyn. You're a grown man now. You can turn into Father Christmas for all I care. Me: What's the colour of my hair? Nick: BLUE! Me: No, my hair is Black......my EYES are blue! Get yer colours straight! Jason: He's serious. Your scalp is blue. Me: -pats top of head; looks at fingers- LAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. -runs home-
(five years ago in science class)
Trish: Jordyn, there's a spider on your shoulder. Me: No there's not. Trish: Yes.....there....is! EW JORDYN GET IT OFF IT'S BIG AND HAIRY! -whispers loudly- Me: -looks at shoulder just to see class tarantula; screams- HOLY CRAAAAAAAP IT'S GOING TO EAT MY BRAIN! -throws spider at wall- Mr. Mall: What the....JORDYN MCLEIR! Is there something you'd like to share with the class? Me: uhhhhhhhhhhhh....TRISHA AND I ARE MARRIED! -picks up Trish honeymoon style and runs out door-
(one week later)
Me: -kisses Trish lovingly in hallway- Mrs. Pare: Oh don't you two make a lovely couple. Trisha: -holds me tight- I know. He married me last week when he threw a spider at a wall. Mrs. Pare: Ohh -confused look- That's nice. -quickly walks away- Trisha: -kisses cheek- I have o go to class. Me: Nuuuuuuuuuuuu Trish: Bye Jordyn....I'll never forget you. Me: Yes you willlllll -sobs- Trish: Who are you? Me: -walks away-
(Senior prom- now this is hard for me to type because that was the night Trish died, but there were some funny times)
(day before)
Jason: TRISHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need you to fake go out with me tomorrow Me: -snarls- Trish: I'm alreayd fake going out with Jordy. Jason: Haha...Jordy -laughs- Me: Shut up Jasey! Jason: NOW WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!! Trish: -laughs- Aww I love my boys! Jason: I know I'm awesome. Why do you go out with Jordyn anyway? Trish: He's cute, funny, a little immature Me: HEY! Trish: Well you are! Me: I am not. Trish: He's also fun in bed. Me: I am? But we never..... Jason: OMG JORDYN HAD -gasps- Me: Thanks a lot Trisha. Trish: You're welcome baby -kisses than walks away- Me: I am? -feel proud-
(prom)
Jason: I'm going out with Layra! I'm going out with Layra! Me: LAYRA?!!!!!!!!! Jason: Yeah! She agreed to come with me. Me: But she's a Freshman! Jason: So? Me: This is SENIOR prom! How many fourteen-year-olds do you see at a Senior prom? Jason: How many sixteen-year-olds do you see? Me: Us.... Jason: So I'm going with Layra, who's two years younger than me, and you're going with Trisha who's two years older than you. Me: I'm lucky I look eighteen. Jason: Whatever. Oh My GOD There she is! Geez. Isn't Layra so beautiful. Me: She's my sister I couldn't care......OH MY GOD SHE'S WEARING A DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Layra: I'm wearing a dress. So what! I'm at Senior prom and I feel HAPPY! Jason: -tries to kiss Layra's cheek- Me: Bad idea. Layra: -kicks Jason's soft spot- Keep your mouth away from me! Jason: -faints-
(present)
Layra: -runs downstairs and squeezes me in hug- Me: What the Hell? Layra: I'm pregnant, Jordyn! Isn't that great? Me: WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?? Layra: I know! It's wonderful! I can see me now. Me: -foaming at the mouth- Layra: You don't take a joke well. Me: Shit Layra,
Jason: -screams- I HATE MY SISTERS! Layra: C'mon baby, they're not that bad. Me: -duct taped against wall....again- HMMHMMHMMHHM Layra: I'm sorry, Jordyn. I can't hear you. Nick: -comes over and rips off tape on my mouth; taking what small ammount of facial hair I have- Me: -screams- Jared: -laughs- Nick: I'm sorry Jordyn! Let me kiss it! -kisses me...over and over and over.- Layra- screams with laughter- Me: -screams in horror- Nick: You know you like it..
More to come
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Post by akia on Aug 20, 2009 20:00:09 GMT -5
most of these are online...and dated xD btw the dude named Maju is my real life boyfriend, and the rest are my friends and excuse the smilies xD
Oct 16, 2008: Over MSN ((I'm "Whispers-" and Maju is "You've-"))
°Whispers heard, but not understood° says (6:25 PM): I like shoving tissues up my nose
°Whispers heard, but not understood° says (6:25 PM): xD
You've learned to take the laughter with the tears... after all these years says (6:25 PM): -.-
You've learned to take the laughter with the tears... after all these years says (6:25 PM): strange but hey
You've learned to take the laughter with the tears... after all these years says (6:25 PM): what ever works
°Whispers heard, but not understood° says (6:25 PM): it stops the flow
°Whispers heard, but not understood° says (6:25 PM): xD
°Whispers heard, but not understood° says (6:25 PM): it's like
°Whispers heard, but not understood° says (6:25 PM): a nose tampon
Dec 21, 2008 On Facebook Maju so guess what
Allison muffins?
Maju pants
Allison ...
Jan 20, 2009 Over AIM
StNowhere(7:06:42 PM)..: o.o StNowhere: your sushi is burning xxXAkiaXxxx: I know xxXAkiaXxxx: It's on Fiya xxXAkiaXxxx: Pyro xxXAkiaXxxx: xD xxXAkiaXxxx it's pyro sushi xxXAkiaXxxx: all pyromanics order it xxXAkiaXxxx: cause it sets their taste buds on fire
((I'm Akia, Jon is Stnowhere))
Jan 24, 2009 On Facebook again
Maju wants to place flowers in front of his room.. ♥ 114 days left.
Allison why do you want to place flowers in front of your room? you aren't dead?
Maju i know but it would be nice would it not?
Allison eh then Heath would step on them and jump on them and crush their poor souls into oblivion
Maju -.- no he wouldn't i'd make sure
Allison can I jump on them?
Maju MEH! Alli..
that makes me sad
Allison awww but but
Maju but but.. fine.. NO more flowers sent to you
Allison
so mean Dx
Feb 15, 2009 Over AIM again
Lilian and I were talking about Big Bang, a current Korean fandom of ours, and she told me an interview they had with TOP ((*swoon*)). He said he has "life sacrificing" relationships so, here was my reaction:
WingedParamour: not hit and run WingedParamour: life sacrificing xxXAkiaXxxx: pfft xxXAkiaXxxx: life sacrificing sounds corny xxXAkiaXxxx: "ILOVEYOU"-gets hit by a truck-
May 17, 2009 Over DA's Notes
I was replying to my friend Yvonne about something cause she said she was in a hole and lit a fire in it. I liked the reaction I gave xD
Me Wait...there were sticks down there? o_0'
May 31, 2009 Over ooVoo, talking about religious camps/rallies
majukun: (12:23 PM) i'll be a councelour and fuck the minds of little kids tell them that basketball is cool
Allison: (12:23 PM)
NO! How horrible! D: Don't do that to their poor minds!!!!
majukun: (12:24 PM) BUAHAH
June 19, 2009 Over Facebook IM
Maju I'm a hippo *dances in the mud happily* xD
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Post by .x.chaos.is.R E B E L L I O N| on Aug 20, 2009 21:51:39 GMT -5
(on bus going to advanced center, sitting with zach, justin case (i swear that's his name), and dylan)
me: *sitting by zach* stupid germans... zach: *looks up and narrows eyes* yanno i'm part german... me: *grins* yaaah, well i'm have irish/cherokee and spanish. zach: *evil smirk* you mean mexican. me: *turns bright red* um, no, not mexican. zach: spanish means mexican. it always means mexican. me: *rolls eyes* i. am. not. MEXICAN! i am hispanic! zach: *scoffs* don't you know?! mexican is hispanic! thus, you. are. mexican. me: am not! zach: are too. me: am NOT! zach: are too. me: AM NOT I A- justin case: *snaps head to me and zach* beaner. me: *angry* i am not a beaner! i was raised on- dylan: *pops in* beans. me: *gawks* i was not!! i am just as american as you guys are! zach: *sighs and turns to say apologetically to dylan and justin* she really means mexican. me: I AM NOT MEJICAN! zach: *grins triumphantly* SEE SHE EVEN SPEAKETH MEXICAN!!! me: YOU CAIN'T SPEAK MEXICAN! IT AIN'T NO LANGUAGE! justin: *starts laughing hysterically* dylan: *coughs* wetback. *coughs* me: *slowly turns to side to face dylan and says coldly* i like your eyebrow. dylan: *gasps and smiles* really?! so do i! me: *dies from laughter* zach: *pulls out phone and taps screen* look at my wallpaper! oh, wait. you know why you can't read it? me: *whips around to look at zach* zach: because it ain't in english. me: *does head-bobble* WHA' DA CRA-YUP?! zach: *starts laughing* me: i am not mexican! zach: i never said you were. me: that's what you were implying! zach: you don't know what i was implying. you can't read my mind. me: *reduces to growling* (after several moments of silence) zach: *suddenly turns to me* i can speak mexican. me: *looks at skeptically* really? tu eres- zach: UNO! me: *looks at with wide-eyes* um.... como? zach: *smug grin* si. me: *narrowed eyes, clueless* por que- zach: NO COMPREHENDE! me: za- zach: UNO! me: wa- zach: SI!! me: *puts face in hands* ay, chihuahua. zach: *looks at in disbelief* MIKI CANTU!!! me: *confused* i just sai- zach: UNO! me: *says rapidly* that's not spanish. zach: WHEN I SAY UNO, YOU SAY UNO! UNO! me: dos. zach: NO COMPREHENDE!! me: *is dying with laughter by now* okay...whatever. zach: oooh. here's my jam! *whips out handy dandy cellphone and plays "what is love"* me: *laughs so hard falls out of bus seat and is picked up and carried away by jacob*
(riding on the way back to school from advanced center, riding with hubbie jacob) me: *tired and is leaning on jacob's shoulder* are you guys gonna have practice with all this rain? jacob: *wild grin* uh yeah...but then i like gettin' down and dirteh. me: *sputters with laughter* don't i know it. you're such a gummie bear. jacob: *looks down at me with his beautiful blue eyes* um...gummie bear? that's random...but whatever floats ya boat, babe. (few milliseconds of silence) jacob: *suddenly sings in high-pitched voice* IT'S THE GUUUUUMMIE BEARS!!! I LOOOOOVE YOUR GUMMINESS!!! IT'S SOOOOO AHSOOOOME! GUMMIE BEARS...YEAH YEAH YEAH! I LOVE MY GUMMIE BEARS!!! THOSE SQUISHEE GUMMEH BEARS!! (he changes it everytime, but it's something along those lines)
(texting kelsey while crying) me: kelsey?? kelsey: what is it deary? me: I LOVE YOU!!! kelsey: aw! i love you too dawg! me: i am going to send you a random picture of myself as a token of my affection. shhh! don't tell jordan. kelsey: hah! my man already knows i gotta woman. me: lol! hold up! kelsey: k. don't give me something that'll get me excited now. me: *sends perfectly good picture, not naughty* kelsey: *replies before getting picture* i shall use it to masterbate! me: um....YAY! kelsey: *gets picture and replies several minutes later* DAYUMN!!! HOOOOOLY SMOKES!!! IT JUST HIT THE CEILING!!! EWWW!!!! (i am NOT cleaning that up) me: geez! cantcha keep it in yer pants till i'm there this weekend?! kelsey: no....YOU EXCITE ME!!! me: hah! i excite most everyone. kelsey:......you sexxy beast. me: kelsey...are you bi? kelsey: NO!!! i just...am attracted to you. me: lol! you just made meh day. kelsey: lol! i try to everyday! love you haus! me: you too! (i thought i would end it on a sweeter note)
(sitting in my history teacher's room, jacob in the desk next to meh) me: *is drawing indians hunting* jacob: *sighs* baby! help me out! what do i draw?! me: *thinks quickly* draw the scene about the indians first finding horses. jacob: *brightens* thanks mik! me: *smiles and continues to work on indians* jacob: *has very concentrated look on face* (several minutes go by) me: *is finally finished and looks at jacob just as he* jacob: *yelps triumphantly* I'M DONE!!! me: *looks at paper* wha' da cra-yup?! THE HORSE IS EATING THE INDIAN!!! jacob: yep! he was hungreh. me: AND THERE'S A STOP-SIGN!! jacob: oh, yeah! it's so that, when he's chasin' down another indian, he won't get caught speedin' and get a ticket! me: *face turning red with laughter* jacob: *peeps over to look at my paper* YOU HAVE NAY-KIDD INDIAN GUYS ON YOUR PAPER!!! me: *can't breathe* jacob! they're stick people! how in the world can you tell they're naked? and how can you tell they're men?! jacob: *says seriously* because jim bob over there has his thangy whipped out. me: *cannot stop laughing* jim bob takes after you then. jacob: *comments sends him into action* well, if he gon' take after me, he gotta wear aeropastale! *draws fur-pants and then puts holes on knee and patches in pants* oh, dere we go now! he be stylin' now! me: *cannot breathe now at all, laughing so hard* jacob: *bats eyelashes at me* aw, you're so cute when you get ta laughin' hard. *reaches over and gives quick kiss on my cheek* me: *abruptly goes beet-red and quits laughing* kelsey: PDA!!! *gives quick kiss to jordan* me: *wicked grin and yells as loudly as possible, without getting into trouble* SIX INCHES NOW, SIX INCHES! MAKE ROOM FER JESUS!!! class: *roars with laughter*
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Post by Desert on Aug 21, 2009 16:28:04 GMT -5
(at Jason's house)
Me: -stares at Quintuplet # 1- Which one ar you again? Quint 1: Shuddup John. Me: Well you got the "J" part in my name right! Good job! Jason: At lease Alice isn't here. Me: Save a horse ride a cowboy! Quint 2: OH MY GOSH JORDYN'S A COWBOY! -runs onto my shoulders- Me: GET HER OFFFFFFFFFF -runs around screaming- Jason: She's not going to hurt you. Aren't you, Tess. Quint : I'm not Tess! Jason: Well how you I know. All five of you look te same, sound the same, act the same..... Qunit 2: -licks my neck- Me: -screams like a girl- Quint 1: You're fat! Me: No I'm not! I have a six pack! Jason: He does, and he's helping me get one. Quint 3: Proove it Me: NO! Quint 1: That means you don't have one. Me: I never said I didn't. Quint 4 : Take your shirt off and show us your smexiness. Me: FINE! -lifts shirt- Jason: DAMN! WHat did Layra do to you? Quint 2: You do have a six pack! Me: Told you! And Layra's violent with Mustard. Jason: What did you do? Me: I threw a fish at her.
(walking down the street)
Me: Jared? Jared: Jordyn? Me: I feel....scared for some reason Nick: Scardy cat Me: What are you? Five? Nick: No..Im seventeen. Me: Well you little wipper snapper! -pinches Nick's cheek- Nick: Don't touch me. Me: Why should you cre if I touch you or not. You've had a crush on me fo two years. Nick: So? Jason: OMG! NICK YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON......JORDYN!? Jackass: You didn't know that? Me: Rawr! Nick: I love you, too. Me: I never said that. I was saying Rawr to....that lady over there. -waves to random woman- HEY BAYBEEEEEEE COME ONE OVER HERE! RAWWWWWWR! American woman: Ya'll boys are soft in the head. Jason: You sound like a cowgirl! YEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAW Me: We're cowboys, too. CREEPY BRITISH REDNECKS WILL TAKE THE WORLD AND RIDE IT SO HARD WE'LL..... American Woamn: Yeah sure, g'bye sweetehs. Jason: Translate. American woman: -walks away- Jackass: See? Americans' don't belong here.
(Walking down the street, again. Alone)
Me: -sings- Lonely! I'm soooooo Lonely!. I have no body to call my oooooooOOOOOOOOOWN! The Queen: -Walks up- Nice singing, young man. Me: -turns around- Oh thank you I try to pract-----OMG YOU"RE THE QUEEN! -runs and dives into random bush- The Queen: What a strange boy... Me: -watches-
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